“You think?”
He half smiles. “I know. I have the answers I needed. I want to think about the future.” He stares at me. “Our future.”
My heart swells. “We—”
He puts his fingers over my lips. “I don’t care whether we’ve been together for five seconds, five months, or five years. I love you, Quinn, and I can’t imagine anything changing that.”
“I love you too.”
We’re interrupted by the dog charging back to us with the ball in its mouth. It skids to a halt and drops the slobbery ball at Stefan’s feet.
I laugh. My legs get floppy. “He likes you.” And I sound drunk.
Before Stefan has a chance to pick up the ball, a girl in her teens runs over. She leans onto her knees, huffing and puffing.
“There you are, Daisy. Bad girl for running away.” She looks at us. “I’m so sorry. She loves anyone who’ll throw the ball for her.”
“No problem.” Stefan pats Daisy’s head. “She’s a beautiful dog.” He picks up the ball and hands it to Daisy’s owner.
The girl clips a leash onto Daisy’s collar and leads her away. The dog keeps looking back at us, eyes solemn.
“We’re getting a dog,” we say in unison.
I burst out laughing again, throwing myself straight back into the grip of cataplexy.
“Once we have a place of our own.” Stefan strokes my shoulder until I recover. “I want to look forward,” he reiterates. “But it’s so hard when I’ve got so much anger inside.” He touches his hand to his chest. “It hurts.”
“I know.”
He blinks at me. “You know?”
“I’ve been angry, Stefan. When Mum died. When I started to get sick. When I got diagnosed. Do you know what I realised?”
He shakes his head.
“That it’s not worth it. That all that anger couldn’t change a damn thing. It couldn’t bring Mum back. It couldn’t make me better. Anger changes nothing. It just eats you up inside. So I let it go. All of it. I might get frustrated from time to time, but ultimately, I’ve made my peace with the way things are. Life’s full of things that knock me down, but it’s also full of things that lift me up and make me happy. Those are the things I’ve chosen to focus my energy and emotions on. You. Dad, Sabella, Rubin, Granddad, and our housemates. You all bring me happiness and joy. So did Mum when she was here. I have so many wonderful memories of her, and nothing that’s happened since can take those away from me or make them shine less bright.” I widen my eyes. “Shit. Did I just soliloquise?”
Stefan kisses me. “I think you did. It was beautiful.”
“I doubt that. I was rambling.”
“Ramble away. You’re one of the most optimistic people I know.” Stefan cups my face. “And I will always love you for it.”
My head droops. “Do you know what I’ll always love you for?”
Stefan shakes his head.
“Offering to be my pillow.” I give him a hopeful smile.
He chuckles and pats his lap. “I will always be your pillow, Quinn.”
I lie down on my side, with my head on his lap.
He strokes my hair and shoulder. “I’ll do my best to let go of the anger I’m feeling.”
“I’ll help.” I lift my hand. “Just tell me how.” My arm gets too heavy to hold up. I don’t have a choice but to let my hand crash onto the grass. “There’s nothing I don’t love about you,” I mumble. “I’m glad you got answers.” My eyes drift shut. “Stefan?” I have no idea if I’m awake or asleep anymore.
“Yes?”
