She shrugs. “I don’t know either. I don’t know if it will hurt us or help us.”
“Nor do I. What I do know is thatifwe decide to reconcile, it’s going to take a long time. We’ve got sixteen years of hurt to get past, and we’re not going to do that with one chat.”
“Of course not.”
My chest hurts. “If we decide we want to get to know you again, we’ll contact you.”
Her eyes brim with tears as she nods. “You’re right. It has to be your decision.” She threads her fingers together. “But I’d be open to it if you are. It’s why I’m here. I know I won’t ever earn the right to call myself your mum again, but I would like to be a small part of your lives if you’ll let me.”
“We’ll think about it.” I can’t promise more than that. “Bye, Mum.”
Beau and I walk out. He doesn’t look back, but I can’t help it. Mum has tears streaming down her face as she sips her coffee. For a moment, I have a desperate need to run back to her, wrap her in my arms, and hug her tight. But right now, the person who needs me most is Beau. My twin has been by my side my whole life, and I won’t desert him in favour of the woman who abandoned us.
We turn down a side street and stop. I wrap my arms around Beau, pulling his head to my shoulder. He hugs me back and starts to cry, his chest and shoulders shuddering violently. I hold it together for all of thirty seconds before I’m crying too.
“That was harder than I thought it would be,” Beau croaks.
“It was for me too.”
“I don’t know how to feel. Part of me thinks I should forgive her. She must have gone through hell while she was in recovery. But the other part of me still hates her for abandoning us. I don’t think I’ll ever lose that hate.”
I rub his back. “I know.”
“I understand that she had to get well, but why did she have to abandon us to do it?”
“I don’t know.”
He struggles away from me. “Are you going to see her again?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to?”
I shrug. “I don’t know.”
Beau sniffs. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I want to go home to Fraser.”
I stare at Beau for a few seconds. I don’t feel a shred of jealousy, only a deep, burning need. I blow out a long breath. “I want to go home too. To Quinn.”
23
QUINN
After Never Have I Ever fizzled out, I took a nap and then found Rubin and Hendrix in the sitting room, playing video games. After their shared kiss, I was half-surprised I didn’t find them making out instead. Maybe they did that while I was sleeping. I end up taking a second nap, which I’ve barely been awake from for five minutes when Stefan and Beau get home.
I leave Rubin and Hendrix to their racing game and go to the hallway to meet them. Fraser races down the stairs and hug-tackles Beau before I get close to Stefan.
“Easy,” Beau says, embracing his fiancé.
“How was it? Are you okay?” Fraser looks at Stefan. “Are you both okay?”
Stefan nods.
“Let’s go to our room.” Beau nudges Fraser towards the stairs.
Now they’re out of the way, I’m able to go to Stefan and wrap my arms around him.
He kisses my hair. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
