Jag swallowed again, resisting the urge to ask ‘why?’ Before his life had turned into his own personal hell, he wouldn’t have questioned why someone liked him and wanted to be around him. He’d been surrounded by friends. He’d had Jared, albeit secretly. He’d stubbornly kept seeing Jared, even after he’d been forced into the evening ‘therapy’ sessions, and yes, it had gone horribly wrong when they’d been caught kissing by a teacher, but it didn’t change the fact that Jared had wanted him or that he’d been worthy of that affection. For all those reasons, he needed to stop questioning his worth now. Not that it was an easy thing to do.
“Okay.” He wasn’t sure he’d spoken out loud. Had he only said the timid, uncertain word in his head?
Michael raised his eyebrows. “Okay?”
Jag breathed in deeply, emotions warring within him once again. He was making a mistake, but he needed what Michael could give him, just for a little while. “I want to be with you, too.”
Michael’s eyes widened. “Really?”
Jag nodded smartly. “Yes. Until I have to go,” he added, needing to make sure there was no doubt or confusion. Even though he was already breaking rule number four, he wouldn’t break number five. He’d keep reminding them both that they were doomed to part. He rubbed at his eyes for a second and then went back to hugging himself. “I mean…I don’t want to hurt you, which is why I’m not going to pretend there’s any chance of me staying. I’m not going to. I can’t.” His words were starting to stick in his throat, and he felt tears brewing in his eyes. He hated feeling so weak. He hadn’t been this emotionally volatile before the ‘therapy’, but since enduring it, he felt as if he was constantly walking on the eggshells of his thoughts. “As long as you know that and you’re sure you’re happy with it—”
Michael kissed him, cutting off his words. His hands ran down to Jag’s elbows, encouraging him to release his tight grip on himself. Then he pulled Jag close, wrapping his arms around him in a warm, comforting embrace.
Jag rested his head against Michael’s chest. “I still think you’re a masochist,” he whispered.
Michael chuckled, his chest reverberating against Jag. “If I am, so are you.”
“True.” He sighed and relaxed against Michael. “You make me happy,” he admitted. “You make me feel worthy.” He tipped his head up. “But—”
“No questions?” Michael quipped.
“Yeah.” Jag winced. “Sorry.”
Michael kissed the top of his head. “You’ll tell me things when you’re ready.”
“And if I’m never ready?”
Michael shrugged. “As I said, I know who you arenow. That’s all that matters to me.”
Jag wanted to believe that, even though he’d felt Michael stiffen whilst he was speaking, so he told himself Michael was telling the truth. Michael could have lied to him about how he felt. It would have guaranteed that they’d continue fucking, but he hadn’t. He’d been honest, so he could tell himself that Michael wouldn’t lie about anything else, even though he plainly was.
He’s telling me what I want to hear. What I need to hear so he doesn’t scare me away.
He wrapped his arms around Michael, squeezing him tightly.
“Are you trying to stop me from breathing?” Michael asked, laughter in his voice.
“No. Just making sure this is real.”
“It is,” Michael promised.
Now that he was here, in Michael’s arms, Jag was strangely okay with the thought of holding on to the man that made him feel better about himself. It would only be a fleeting moment of happiness in a life of lonely darkness, but he’d sure as hell make the most of it.
15Michael
Michael had just finished preparing everything when Jag returned to the front of house. The young man had showered and got dressed. Michael watched as Jag gazed around, his eyes growing large as he took in the picnic blanket, wicker hamper, and the food that had been laid out on white china plates. The lights were dim and set to blue, and he’d turned on the star curtain, which hung behind the stage.
“Wow,” Jag breathed.
“You like it?”
“Yeah.” He looked at Michael. “But you’re definitely insane.”
Michael chuckled and patted the space on the picnic blanket beside him. “I wanted to take you on a date.”
Jag arched an eyebrow as he joined Michael.
“Strawberry?”
