Adam's only response was to smile, before he opened the cellar door.
"Adam..."
Adam paused again, his shoulders hunching slightly.
"I'm glad things are okay between us."
Adam's brow crumpled, causing thoughtful lines to slash across his forehead. His grip tightened on the loose door handle, making it rattle slightly. "Okay?" He shook his head. "Things aren't okay between us, Luc."
"But—"
"If you think a couple of apologies and a conversation can make everything okay, then you're deluded." Still shaking his head, he stormed down the stairs, slamming the cellar door behind him.
Luc clenched his fists. He knew he should walk away and leave Adam to work out his anger through dancing, but he'd had enough of being a coward. He threw the door open and stomped down the stairs after Adam.
He found Adam sitting in the middle of the sprung floor their parents had installed, stretching out his muscles.
"This has gone on long enough. How many times do I have to apologise to you?"
Adam glared up at him. "I don't want your fucking apologies, Luc. I want to knowwhy."
"What?"
Adam bounced up onto his feet and took a couple of steps closer to Luc. "Why did you start ignoring me? Why did you suddenly become best buddies with the bastards who had spent years bullying me? The very guys you'd defended me against before. All I ever wanted to know was why: why did I lose my big brother and my best friend? What did I do wrong to make you hate me so much?"
Luc gaped at him, his chest clenching. "You didn't do anything wrong, Adam and I sure as hell didn't hate you."
Adam snorted. "That's how it felt." He moved even closer, so he was right up in Luc's face, as he jabbed his finger hard against his own chest. "It's how I still feel."
Luc wanted to take a step backwards, to put distance between them, but he knew that would only add fuel to Adam's beliefs. But standing so close to him was excruciating. He could feel Adam's warm breath on his face and it made his skin tingle. All he wanted to do was reach out and embrace him. Drag him close and prove to him that he didn't hate him; that he'd never hated him.
"So tell me," Adam said, filling the silence. "Why?"
Luc opened his mouth, but his throat closed up, trapping his words inside him. What could he say?
"Tell me," Adam yelled.
Somehow, Luc stood his ground. "You wouldn't understand."
Adam's eyes widened. "Fuck you." He shoved Luc backwards.
"You wouldn't understand," Luc repeated, turning away to head up the stairs. Following Adam down here had been a mistake.
Adam grabbed his shoulder and wrenched him round. "So, what? You're going to run away like you always do?" He slammed Luc against the rough brick wall, his arm pressing against Luc's chest as he glared at him. "Don't run away."
"What do you want me to tell you?" Luc demanded.
"The truth." Adam was still shouting, but then he dipped his chin and inhaled. When he spoke again his voice was quietly fragile. "The truth."
"You don't want to know the truth," Luc breathed. "Isn't it enough to know that I never hated you? That the reason I started being horrible to you was everything to do with me and nothing to do with you?"
"No."
Luc gritted his teeth and growled through them. He pushed forward, knocking Adam off balance so he fell onto the floor. He pressed his hands onto Adam's shoulder in an effort to pin him to the floor. He knew Adam was the stronger of the two of them, thanks to his dance training, so he braced himself for Adam to start fighting back.
"I didn't hate you," he yelled. "Get that into your head. I. Did. Not. Hate. You."
Adam pushed into Luc's shoulder, rolling him over until they were wrestling one another, like they had done as kids, except this time, they weren't messing about. They were both angry, both trying to get the other to give in to what they wanted. Luc needed Adam to drop the whole topic, but he knew his stepbrother wouldn't, not until he got the answers he was looking for.
