The things I’d feared but never risked saying swelled, aided by the fact that I spoke to Kaiden.I admitted to him things I’d never dare say to anyone else.
He pulled me against his chest, the hug tight, his voice whispered into my ear but surprisingly strong.“It’s not real, Yun.”
Even if he said that, I didn’t believe it.Icouldn’t.
He wanted to reassure me, and as much as I trusted Kaiden, that didn’t mean he knew what he was talking about.I’d learned that life wasn’t as simple as truth and lie.
Maybe my experience had broken me.Maybe it had damaged me so badly that there was no chance of coming back from it, like a part of me had been burned so severely that it would never heal.
The spiral took over, plunging me into the despair that had threatened me, growing over the past weeks and months until I had no idea how to escape it.
At least, until a familiar sensation in my head eased me.
“If you don’t breathe, you’ll pass out.If you pass out, Kenyon will have a hissy fit.”Shear’s voice soothed me, confident, without the tiniest bit of panic.Even Kaiden seemed overwhelmed by my reaction, but Shear didn’t.
He spoke with the same solid voice as always, and that alone reassured me.
“I told you to stay out of my head.”
“Then don’t freak out, and I won’t need to.Trust me, I don’t want to be in your mess of a brain any more than you want me here.”
I could almost hear him sneer as he said that, like my brain was a teardown in a bad neighborhood.
Which wasn’t the least accurate way to describe my brain—especially right now.
“What happened that got you to this state?”His question came out with an edge of curiosity.If it had been pity, I probably would have reacted differently.Ihatedpity.
Curiosity I could deal with.
“Fuck off,”I responded, half-heartedly.
“Gladly.The meeting will start soon.If you don’t hurry up, someone will come and collect you.”
I responded to him with a mental middle finger, surprised when I pulled away from Kaiden, when I opened my eyes and found that I actually felt better.The panic that had threatened to yank me into a pool I wasn’t sure I could ever surface from again had dissipated, had dried up until my toes actually touched the ground.
“You okay?”Kaidan stared at me, confusion coloring his expression.
Of course, Kaidan wasn’t privy to my little conversation.
I nodded.“Yeah, I’m okay, now.”At his furrowed brows, I shrugged.“Shear.”
He cocked an eyebrow.“You let a mentalist into your head?”
“It’s not like I invited him.”I pulled away and stood, rubbing the heels of my palms against my eyes to help get rid of any lingering signs of my little breakdown.Usually, after something like that, I was so worn out that it would take hours to feel like myself again.Somehow, I felt rather refreshed…
I doubted it was because a meltdown helped me, and it made me suspect it had more to do with whatever Shear had done.
“Yet you accepted it.You think I don’t remember when a mentalist tried to help you with a headache one time?”He pressed his lips together, staring at me.
“What?”
“Nothing really.Just interesting that you’d let this happen.You better get back—we’ve both got a job to do.”
Something about the way Kaiden said it kept me quiet, a speculation there in his voice that I didn’t care for.It felt like he was saying something that I didn’t want to hear.So instead, I headed out of the guide room and into the main space.
Despite all the people moving around it, the chaos, my eyes settled directly on the espers I looked for.There, near the front, sat Kenyon, Carter, Ingram and Shear, drawing me to a stop as I stared at them.
Did I trust them?It was hard to believe it, hard to think it possible, but that look Kaiden had given me, the point he’d been trying to make, it all echoed around in my head.
