“Perfect?”She snorted.
I’d wanted her to understand that espers were held to too high a standard, that people expected too much from us, but her tone made it clear she didn’t expect much of anything from us.
I found it equal parts annoying and refreshing to have her think so little of espers.
“You really don’t like espers, do you?”
She didn’t answer right away.Was she turning the question over in her head?Coming up with an answer?She didn’t seem like the type to just say the first thing that came to mind, which I respected.
“It’s not that I don’t like them,” she said.
“You sure about that?Because the whole no touching and that snort makes me think you’re not a fan.”
“What are espers for?”
I furrowed my brows, unsure of an answer.
She must have taken pity on me because she went on.“Espers have a point, right?It’s to help people, to save the day.They’re given such amazing gifts.”
I nodded, following along.“Sure, I get that.”
“What are guides for?”
That answer was an obvious enough one for me, but even I knew I shouldn’t say it.
Guides were the salvation of espers.They offered us a future we wouldn’t have without them.The end of every esper was corruption unless a guide saved them.They were the most important thing in the world for us, the light in a very dark world.
“Guides are everything,” I said, even if that didn’t come anywhere close to the full truth, even if it fell short.
She shook her head.“No.Guides exist only for espers.Without them, we have no use.Do you know why I needed this squad?Because if I got removed from another squad, the Guild wouldn’t assign me again.Do you have any idea what happens to a guide who the Guild won’t assign?”
I didn’t answer because I had no idea.I’d never heard of such a thing.
“Exactly.Guides aren’t given the documentation to get a regular job.They can’t go out and get a place of their own, can’t get loans.We are totally dependent on the Guild and on squads.If I don’t make this work, I have nowhere to go, nothing I can do.So, yeah, maybe it isn’t fair for me to dislike espers so much, but whether you had a say in it, whether you like it, you represent the boot on top of me.”
I frowned, my attention back on the road as we drove, her words swirling around in my head.I didn’t like them, but I also had no idea what else to say, how to deny them.
It forced me to think about the world—and her place in it—in a different way that I didn’t much care for.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Ingram
I didn’t feel that much better, but I was used to that.That gnawing sensation inside me never went away.It was this deep pit that nothing filled—not killing, not guiding, not sex.
Well… Yun.
She’d felt different, as though after her guiding, at least a little of that emptiness had filled.It gave me a taste of relief that nothing else had come close to.
And the fact I wanted it again terrified me.
Not because of the corruption inside me, but because ofher.It wasn’t just any guide, but that frustrating enigma of a woman specifically.Only she’d made me feel that way, and even if it felt good, I wasn’t sure I liked it.
I’d gotten back to the house to find Kenyon and Yun gone.Kenyon was a healer, so not my favorite choice of guard, but he’d work.I knew he’d do whatever he could to keep her safe, and if he faced off against a civilian, he was more than enough.
If an esper wanted to fuck with her?
Too bad.What do I care?
