“I don’t snore,” he murmured.
“But you do.” I had to keep it going.
“Prove it.”
I let out a breathy laugh, and he finally opened his eyes and met my gaze with a sleepy smile. I never took too much notice of the different hues of emerald in his eyes before. I’d never been a particular fan of green…but I found myself suddenly drawn to that distinct shade.
“You gonna keep eyefucking me like that, Princess, or get over here and have the real thing?”
I rolled my eyes, turning away before he could see the small smile I was struggling to fight back. I couldn’t give him too much, or it would go straight to his head.
Chapter 36
My eyes were lockedon the ball sitting on the tee on the eighteenth hole. I readjusted my stance just slightly, taking three half-millimeter steps forward, then flexed my fingers around the club to fix my grip. I blew out a slow breath, keeping my left arm straight and rotating my hips as I reached the top of my backswing before throwing all I could into the downswing.
As soon as the club made contact, I knew and let out a loud growl. “You motherfucker!”
I watched the ball sail rogue, going too far to the right and landing in the fucking bunker in the goddamn rough. I tossed my club, knowingexactlywhat that meant, knowing there was no way I’d come back from that shot.
“I…I won!Holy shit!” Chad laughed maniacally. “I actually beat you!”
As he continued to celebrate his first and only win against me in a decade by hopping around like a goddamn unhinged jackrabbit, I laced my fingers behind my head and attempted towalk it off. I was usually a good sport and could take losing, but the sting of being defeated in a game of golf to someone who used to answer toChainzand was known at our frequented course asMulliganwas almost too much to bear.
It hurt my soul.
I picked up the driver I’d thrown, mumbling obscenities as I walked to the cart and aggressively stuffed it back into my bag. “Are you fucking finished yet?” I spat.
Chad grinned as we got into the cart and headed back to the clubhouse. “I told you I was never going to let you forget the day when I finally beat you, and I meant it. I’ll be bringing this up for years to come.”
“Yeah, yeah. Mark it down in your calendar and remember this feeling. Because it willneverhappen again.”
I listened to a few more jibing remarks from Chad on the walk through the parking lot to our cars before finally pulling out of the golf course parking lot and heading home. My head wasn’t in the game today. Hell, it wasn’t just today. My head hadn’t been inanythingthe last few weeks, not since I finally allowed myself to acknowledge my feelings for Morgan. They—shewas all I could think about. At work. With my friends. Family dinner. I was in a constant state of distraction.
After my crash out over the paper clips and the acknowledgment that followed, I didn’t reach out to ask her to meet up despite that craving for her I’d become conditioned to. I was trying to give myself the space to sort through the slew of thoughts in my head. We still saw each other on the nights out with everyone else, and things were normal—we’d find something to banter about or pretend to be ignoring each other in front of the others. But I’d find myself staring at her as if I could see into her mind and what she was thinking, trying to sense ifthere was any reciprocation to what I was feeling. But there was nothing.Nothinggave me any clue as to what was going on in that beautiful head of hers.
When she finally messaged me last Friday, I folded faster than a damn lawn chair. She was like a drug, an addiction I couldn’t seem to get enough of. And I denied myself my fix, so by the time she reached out, I wasfiending. I was at her place within five minutes.
Yeah, I could man the hell up and tell Morgan how I felt, but this was uncharted territory for me. And I couldn’t talk to my friends about it and get their advice because they would be shocked that I felt this way about someone at all and would interrogate me about who it was, and I couldn’t tell them. They had no idea Morgan and I had been shaking sheets for nearly two years.
Jesus Christ.
Every time I thought about how long this had been going on, the more baffled I became at how we’d managed to keep it a secret. Our friends would lose their minds if they knew. Hell, it was so far-fetched that they probably wouldn’t even believe it. They’d taken notice of our decline in bickering but bought the story that we were taking a semi-timeout on our open loathing for one another in support of Lucas’s and Callie’s future nuptials and not wanting it to ruin their moment.
Needless to say, I had to figure this out on my own. And all I’d come up with so far was that I couldn’t tell Morgan. Not yet. I needed to feel out the situation. I needed to gauge if there was anything there on her end. Because I’d be damned if the first time I ever felt this way about anyone was met with straight rebuff, which was what it was leaning toward right now.
Morgan had never given meanyinclination that she feltanything for me other than annoyance and displeasure—outside of the bedroom, that is. If this was all based on how I made her feel during sex, I’d be golden. Unfortunately for me, that wasn’t the case. So, for now, I was trying to act as if nothing had changed. If there came a point where I felt like telling her would garner more than her laughing in my face and handing me a one-way ticket to Rejectionville, then I would. And if that time never came, I’d let it go and forget it ever happened.
The latter would be easy.
I was staring at Morgan.Again. It was as if I had no control over the way my eyes would linger on her lately. She’d come over after we left the bar from Saturday night out with the others, but she wasn’t staying the night because I had an early tee time with Lucas and Gabe in the morning. So, I was lying in bed, watching her get dressed.
But I wasn’t simply admiring her soft skin and perfect curves as she slid her clothes on. I wasstudying, trying to see through the veil she had in front of her eyes so I could see what was hidden behind them. Not being able to gauge her was driving me crazy. Because the more time I spent with her and the more moments we shared, the more I could feel myself falling.
This is why I never had any desire to do the whole feelings and attachment thing. I’d seen how it affected people around me, the way one person could consume them, distract them, leave them obsessing. It was exactly what was happening to me now. I wanted to spend more time with her. I was constantly thinking about her, even when we weren’t together. Andquestions I didn’t know I’d ever know the answers to plagued my thoughts.
Was there a possibility this was more than just sex for her? Was there a chance that her feelings regarding me had shifted the way mine had? Did she still look at me as nothing more than the arrogant asshole she used to, or had she seen different sides of me the way I had her that made her change her mind?
Because I’d come to realize that, beneath the surface, there was so much more to Morgan Hayes than I ever cared to look at before. And I wanted to keep looking. I wanted to dive beneath the waves and drown in every little thing that woman was.
