“Say it.”
“I… I—”
A nurse comes in at that moment, and Kooper backs up enough to give her room to check me over. She stays for a minute and then says she’ll be back in a second with the menu.
As soon as she leaves, I speak before Kooper can sit down and get close. When he’s close, I can’t think straight. And I need to. We both do.
“I need time to think. About this. About us. And you do too.”
“I just told you what I want.”
“But I want you to be sure. To know what it means. Webothneed to be sure that if we do this, that… that wedothis. I don’t know what that will look like in a year or, hell, a month. There could still be issues, complications with the… with the baby.” Saying it doesn’t make it any easier. It’s weird, all weird. “Please, Koop. Please.”
He looks me in the eye, seeing more than I know before he nods.
And then he walks away.
Was that my answer?
Chapter 42—Kooper
She thinks I don’t want this. Us.
That I’ll pick someone or something over her.
She’s wrong.
But I’ll give her time.
She wants that.
So I’ll give it to her.
When she told me to think about it, I knew I didn’t need to. I’ve already thought about it. For months, maybe even years if I do the math between when my feelings changed for her. But she needs space. Without saying it, that’s what she needs.
She wants to think without me standing over her shoulder, assessing every move, every thought she might have.
She doesn’t think she can be herself. And maybe she can’t. People change. Some over time. Some in an instant.
Every day, I come to visit her. Every day, I check that she’s okay. I don’t bring up the things left unsaid between us. And she doesn’t either.
We keep our distance. Sort of. I cave more than I should with a touch here, a handhold there. I’m distant only because she wants me to be. She needs that wall right now. She needs to rebuild herself and find a way to stand on her own feet.
In her mind, at least.
General had her discharged as soon as he was happy with the weight gain. Natalie had some complications during her surgery and is still there. In another few days, she’ll be released.
Ruby hasn’t gone to see her. Not yet anyway. We found her family and got a call out to them. We’re waiting for their response before we talk to her. Might seem shady, but Ruby has a right to call the plays here. Well, that, and General keeps saying that visitors could upset Natalie’s progress. That her nightmares have become night terrors, and they have to medicate her a bit more to keep her calm enough to heal.
I guess other shit went down with her that not even Ruby knows about. Could have been during their hostage moment or something else. My gut feeling is it’s a combination of both.
But I keep it to myself.
I park my truck and head up to her apartment. She’s taken some time off school, mostly because she missed the start of the summer semester. But she’s also playing catch-up with what she missed. Her professors were cool about her extending her spring semester into a summer session. Even the dickhead who usually gave her a hard time about shit. Of course, a few choice words from me and the boys helped a bit. Well, that, and a generous donation to the school, which made sure they were also on board with the decision. All she had left was a paper to write and a final for each of her three classes. Today, she submitted her last paper, so she’s officially done.
Just in time for us to drive to the hospital and do the paternity test. General says he can get us the results quickly,which is what we want. I don’t care what it says; I already know what I want. But if it eases her mind, I’m all for it.
“Coming,” she calls out when I knock on her door.
