Tell him he has to watch the kid and not go to the club because I’m in class or at my job? That’s laughable. Something that would never happen.
And me staying home? I know people do it. Mom did. But that’s not me. I’ve worked hard for what I have. Real hard. I didn’t know what I wanted before all this, but being locked up for days gave me time to think about everything. To really see what matters most. And my own practice? Yeah, I want that.
I want the long hours. The grueling schedule. The complaining about paperwork and wondering if we’ll make rent.
Okay, not the last part, but I want all the rest. I want a boring job to do in the day.
And at night… I want Kooper.
I’ve wanted him for a while. He became my world, even before it turned to shit with Dad and everything else.
But I don’t know if I can give him what he wants.
“What if the kid isn’t yours?”
I’m 98 percent sure it is, but there’s still the unknown. Till I get the test results, it’ll always be a what-if.Even after, I’ve got no misconceptions that I won’t wake screaming to nightmares that could be memories or just my mind playing tricks on me, giving me details of what could have happened or did when I thought I was protected. When I thought I was safe in that cell and things were happening next door to Ava. I’m naïve in a few things, but not enough to fully believe I came out of that place untouched. Mentally or physically.
“It would be yours. If you choose to have it, it would be your kid, Peaches. I can’t think of a better thing to watch over than something that belongs to you.”
“Do you… do you want it?” Another whisper. This time because the emotions are holding my voice hostage and not allowing me to speak louder without releasing a sob.
“Whatever you want.”
“No.” I shake my head and close my eyes before looking back at him. “No. You can’t do that. You can’t be the one putting me first in this. I need to know what you think. What you want.” His head tilts as he stares at me. “Please,” I beg.
“I do.”
I let out a breath at his words.
“Like I said, I’ll take you any way I can get you. If you don’t want a kid right now, I get that. Shit happened to you. Bringing in a life after that is not easy. But I’m not going anywhere. So if you choose not to have this one, I’ll still be here for the next one.”
He palms my face and rubs his fingers over my cheek. “And the next. And the next.”
“Jesus, how many are you expecting?”
“Kids are going to need friends.”
I shake my head, but it’s with a smile. He leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead and then a peck on my lips.
“I feel different now. I don’t feel like me, like Ruby,” I confess to him as we’re inches apart. A secret for his ears alone.
“Then don’t be. Be Peaches. BemyPeaches.”
“What… what are you saying?”
“I think you know.”
“Say it.” I glare at him, but he just leans back and shakes his head.
“No.”
“Why? Scared?” Calling him that puts my fear at bay a bit. I’d rather us both be scared than just me.
He shakes his head again. “Never. I can say it, scream it, tattoo it. It won’t change anything. All that matters is ifyousay it. Ifyoufeel it.”
I swallow, even if it’s hard to do. I don’t know why calling him something other than Kooper scares me more than thinking about having a kid, but it does. Maybe because I know this is it. Once it’s said out loud, onceIsay it, there’s no going back. It’ll be him and me forever. If I call him my old man, and he calls me his old lady.
Even if he tried to end it, I have too much of my mom and dad in me to let it go peacefully. I’d kill the bastard before I let him get away from me.IfI’m willing to call it for what it is right now.
