"I'm not lying—"
"I'm not saying you're lying." He turns to face me, and there's real hurt in his eyes now. "I'm saying it's fucked up. I just—I came inside you. And you're telling me you felt nothing? Not even a little bit?"
"It felt good," I try. "Just not—"
"Not good enough." He laughs bitterly. "Yeah. I got that. Trust me, when a woman can't even pretend to be close, you fucking notice."
"I wasn't pretending—"
"That's the problem!" His voice rises. "You weren't pretending. You were genuinely trying and your body just... rejected me. Do you know how that feels? To put everything you have into making someone feel good and watching them just... nothing?"
Shame floods through me. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize." He pulls his shirt on. "Don't fucking apologize for something those Alphas did to you. But don't expect me to be okay with it either."
"I didn't expect—"
"Yes you did." He's pacing now. "You expected me to be understanding. Patient. The nice Beta who accepts whateverscraps you can give. Well guess what? I'm not that nice. This fucking hurt, Vespera."
"I know—"
"Do you?" He stops, looks at me. "Because from where I'm standing, you just used me to prove a point. To see if you could still want someone else. And when your body said no, you expected me to what? Pat you on the head and say 'there, there, it's biology'?"
"That's not fair—"
"None of this is fair!" His voice cracks. "I transferred schools for you. I've been patient and understanding and everything a good friend should be. And you just—you let me fuck you knowing it wouldn't work. Knowing your body wouldn't respond. Why? To prove something to yourself? To them?"
I flinch. Because he's right.
"I thought maybe," I whisper. "I hoped maybe if we just tried, if it was different than fingering, if we went all the way—"
"Well now we know." He sits on the floor, head in his hands. "Your body belongs to them. Completely. And I just came inside you while you felt nothing. That's going to fuck with my head for a while."
"Ben—"
"I need a minute." He doesn't look at me. "Just... give me a minute to process that I'm apparently not enough for you. That nobody but pack will ever be enough."
We sit in silence. Him on the floor, me against the wall. The weight of what just happened settling over us.
"I'm sorry," I finally say. "You're right. I shouldn't have—I was selfish. I used you to try to prove something and that wasn't fair."
"No. It wasn't." He looks up, and his eyes are red. "But I let you. Because I wanted to believe I could be enough. That maybe the bonds weren't as absolute as everyone says."
"I wanted to believe that too."
"Yeah." He stands, offering me his hand. "But we were both wrong."
I let him pull me up. Stand there awkwardly, not knowing what to say.
"I'm not giving up," he says finally. "On being your friend. On being there when you need someone who isn't pack. But Vespera?" His voice hardens. "Don't ask me to fuck you again. Don't use me to prove points about your bonds. That shit hurt, and I'm not doing it twice."
"I won't," I promise. "I'm so sorry, Ben. You deserved better than that."
"Yeah." His smile is bitter. "I really did."
"Nothing's wrong." He kisses my forehead, so fucking sweet it makes my chest ache. "Your body's been through a lot. The bonds, the claiming. Sometimes it takes time to—"
"It's not that." I push him away, suddenly needing distance. "It's that my body won't respond unless it's them. We just—we fucked and I couldn't even get close. You came inside me and I felt nothing."
