I can’t imagine the feeling of knowing you’re dying and wanting to stay alive. The way he explained the entire situation of him taking the pills and feeling the life drain out of him was too overwhelming for me. Leonidas made me realize that there’s so much life I haven’t lived yet.
I want to move out of this town and go to school somewhere. I want to hopefully get married to Leonidas and have kids. I want to watch them run around the house, giggles filling the air as they chase each other around our lawn.
I want to impact the world.
What I said to Leonidas in the car is true. In fact, I live by this. The pain never goes away; it just dims, and eventually, you get used to it. Even though some days, I want to throw in the towel and just give up, I know that isn’t the right thing to do. I need to live for not only myself, but also for my dad, whose story was cut short.
Mom hasn’t been the most understanding person for a while. She pushes me away and makes me question myself constantly. She’s changing. Mom is no longer the woman I grew up loving. I know the guilt of losing another family member will eat her alive, so that’s why I keep pushing through the depression.
With one last lingering kiss from Leonidas, I leave his peaceful presence and enter the home I’m growing to hate.
“Trinity?” Mom calls out when I shut the door softly. Anger and tension are thick in her voice.
I drag my feet up the stairs in dread. Every bone in my body immediately tenses when I find her sitting on my bed.
I stop in the doorway and drop my overnight bag on the floor. My hands sweat as she clasps her hands in front of her body. Her frown deepens as she opens her mouth, but she immediately closes it. Not knowing what to say, she lets out a laugh that has no humor in it.
“Can you guess how shocked I was when I found out you weren’t at Harper’s house?” she starts off. “I was so happy that you two had finally patched things up and started talking, so when I called her mom to catch up with her, you can’t imagine how surprised she was to learn that you’d told me you were there.”
I’m rooted to my place. Harper knew about our plan. She told me she would back me up and make sure Mom didn’t know I’d left with Leonidas. She’s always had my back. It seems as if she didn’t follow through. Even though I want to blame this on her, I can’t. Harper’s mom wasn’t in on our plan.
“As your mother, I’m responsible for your safety. I can’t have you lying to me about your whereabouts. What if you were in trouble and you needed me? I wouldn’t know where to find you!” she exclaims. Her arms wildly gesture toward where I stand. “Trinity, you’re making it very difficult for me to trust you.”
I try my hardest to say something, to stick up for myself. But I can’t seem to form words. I’m shocked at the way she’s looking at me … like I’m a disgrace. It’s not like I committed murder. I was just with my boyfriend for a night. She always leaves me now, alone in a dark, empty house.
“How many times can I sit back and watch you mess up?”
My heart stops.
“What’s wrong with you, Trinity? You’ve never acted like this!” she yells. Her face turns a shade of pink as she grits her teeth together. She takes a deep breath as she prepares to continue. “I heard what Bethany said to you that day, what made you so angry. You might hate me when I say this, Trinity.”
No.
Please don’t.
Please don’t say it.
I want to run away before the strong, heartbreaking statement leaves her mouth. But I stand here, planted in my spot, daring her to say more.
Tears fill her eyes as she shakes her head. “Your father would be disappointed in you. This isn’t how he raised you to be. We didn’t teach you how to lie and run away with a boy who isn’t good for you. It seems as if you’re throwing the entire life we gave you away.”
My heart has been ripped out of my chest. It’s being stomped on ruthlessly. I try to comprehend that my own mother just told me I would disappoint my dead father.
I feel betrayed. I want to scream at the top of my lungs. Is this a joke? Is my life a joke?
I stare at the woman in front of me. The thoughts I had earlier leave my mind. I don’t owe her anything. Not after the words that just left her mouth, leaving me skinned, raw, and absolutely heartbroken. She really doesn’t care about me. She would have never said that if she did.
I would have thought she out of everyone would understand … but I guess I was mistaken. She has a new man now. My dad is forgotten, and so am I.
“I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment to you, Mom. Maybe you should go live with your other family.” Sarcasm drips from my tone as she glares over at me.
Crossing her arms across her chest, she raises an eyebrow. “What other family?”
Is she dumb or stupid? She must be playing dumb because who else would I be talking about?
“Your picture-perfect family.”
She frowns.
