Heat takes over every single bone in my body as I arch up and go crashing down when my body sings while my orgasm travels throughout me. Leonidas comes a minute later and lets out curses while he does. His sweaty body drops onto mine. My body relaxes into his as I close my eyes.
Holy shit.
That just happened.
I can’t believe I had sex with Leonidas. That was the best thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. Every touch and look has ruined me forever. His head rests against my chest as I try to catch my breath.
He hums when he kisses the side of my boob. “I love these babies.”
I let out a laugh and playfully pull his hair. I’ve figured out another one of his kinks—hair pulling. Who would have known?
Leaning on his elbows above me, his face inches away from mine, he whispers down, “I’m so glad I moved into your stupid small town.”
“Me too.”
I watch with heavy eyes as he moves off of me and walks over to the bathroom. He comes back a minute later with a towel and a fresh pair of boxers on. Scooting me to the edge of the bed, he cleans me up, which I find comforting because no one has ever done this to me before.
Throwing the towel to the floor, he pulls me to his side. “You amaze me.”
At this moment, I feel my happiest.
Tears blur my vision as I glance at the guy I know I’m not good for because my heart is not filled with what he needs, but he’s falling for me regardless. “You amaze me too.”
TWENTY-FOUR
LEO
My finger skims along her bare back. I watch with tired eyes as her chest moves up and down from her deep slumber. Her straight hair is spread out on her pillow, bringing a peaceful aura to her. I watch as she mumbles something in her sleep. It’s slurred, so I find it difficult to understand her beautiful voice.
Last night, I experienced something I never had before. I shared a bond so special and heartwarming with the girl I’m falling for quickly. She filled my soul with passion, a passion I’d thought I would never get to feel.
The way her eyes lingered on every movement I took made my need to please her increase.
Love is scary. I’m giving Trinity my entire heart, trusting that she won’t absolutely crush it.
Trinity has shown me she’s a down-to-earth person with an open heart once she lets you in. Since the day I asked her to be my girlfriend, she’s given everything she can give me and more—happiness. I’m the one who should send her texts in the morning and before she goes to sleep for the night. But she always beats me to it. She truly is my angel. I just moved into her small town more than a month ago, and she’s already changed me. I feel like a different guy. More confident, passionate, and compassionate. I can pick up a pen and write without cringing.
Yes, I’m scared, but that doesn’t mean I should run away from it.
I always used to describe myself as a person who lives without a beating heart. I didn’t feel how I wanted to. I was a ghost, living in my own body. Trinity has shown me I’m not the only person going through shit. Even though some days, I feel lonely and like my life will never get better, she reminds me constantly with her words and her touch that I’ve already hit rock bottom. It can’t get any worse than it already has.
That night four years ago is not something I like to talk about. It makes my skin crawl. No matter how much I try to move forward and forget, the feeling within me never leaves me at peace. Four years ago, I had the worst day of my life. That was the day the light drained out of my once-bright eyes, the day I clenched my hands into fists when someone made eye contact with me, hating the fact that I was seen when all I wanted to do was disappear.
I started hating the world. I committed sins and hated God for not listening to my prayers. The times I got down on my knees, pressed my forehead to my bed, and begged him to listen to take away the pain I was feeling stabbed away my heart. When I knew our rental place was empty, I screamed and begged, felt my throat grow raw. The feelings of guilt, sadness, and emptiness wouldn’t go away. I had no one else to go to. I was so desperate.
I was young, stupid, and dumb. The only way I thought about escaping was to simply not exist anymore. To give in to what my head was telling me to do. My shaky hands gripped the pill bottle as I shook on the floor uncontrollably. It seemed the river of tears wouldn’t stop running down my face. I prayed one last time with a broken whisper to the sky to relieve me from my pain, to send me happiness.
When I didn’t get it, I opened the pill bottle, tipped it against my mouth, and swallowed a handful of pills all at once.
As I lay there on the floor, my body shaking and me gasping for breath, I realized I didn’t want to die. I didn’t like the feeling of dying. That it was a mistake that I would never get to reverse. I didn’t want Amelia and Elijah finding me on the floor—white, blue lips, with no heartbeat. I didn’t want my fans who found us on our YouTube days, who loyally listened to my music to escape their own struggles, to never hear from me again and to realize I had done the one thing I always told them not to do—give up.
With all the strength I had left in my broken body, I called Amelia. She answered on the second ring. And that was when I collapsed. I remember waking up and hearing sirens. Blue and red flashing lights blinded my hazy eyes. An oxygen mask was over my mouth, making me feel like I was suffocating. My blurry gaze landed on my broken sister. Black mascara ran down her face as her swollen red eyes never left my form.
I watched as she tried to enter the doors leading to the emergency room once we arrived at the hospital. I watched as she broke down onto the ground and called my name once they shut them in her face and a nurse pulled her back. That day, as a bunch of doctors were hovering over me, I realized I had a life to live, and I’d hardly lived it. The world just heard who I was.
I didn’t want my name to be a memory that faded eventually with time. I hated thinking about how Mom would watch her son being buried into the ground. How people would come up to a piece of rock shaped in a cross with my name engraved on it to see me.
I was more than that.
