“They’re getting a sofa bed for the living room. I thought about asking to share Sue’s room, but I dropped that idea almost immediately. And I won’t be freeloading this time, I’m paying rent.”
“I understand, Jenny, and all that sounds great, but…are you going to be happy?”
I understood why she was asking. I’d had a hard time that past year. It wasn’t just the arguments with Mom and Dad and the thing with Monty, it was everything. And as for Jack, my sister knew the whole story. She was the only person I’d talked to, the only person I’d allowed myself to be vulnerable with. She remembered how I’d barely survived that first month back. She knew how much I’d missed him and how badly I’d wanted to talk to him. She knew about how I’d called Jack on his birthday, how I’d spent the whole morning fretting and checking the time in France because I didn’t want to wake him, how I’d sat there on the edge of the bed with my cell phone trying to psych myself up.
I’d wanted to tell him happy birthday, but I thought maybe he’d forgotten me, or that he wouldn’t be happy to hear from me, that he wouldn’t want to even hear my voice. Anything could happen, but I needed to talk to him. It may have been selfish, but I wanted him to know I remembered him on his birthday and that I wished him well.
Ten times I tried to write a message, but I couldn’t come up with anything, so I called. Would he respond? Would he hang up on me? Did he even have his phone on him? I remembered how forgetful he was, and how reluctant he’d been to make a big deal of his birthday. When we weretogether, I’d insisted we celebrate and we’d gone out. But now that our connection was gone, maybe it was better to leave him in peace.
I missed him so bad, though…
And I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hardly noticed when someone picked up.
“Yes? Who’s there?”
I expelled all the air I’d been holding in. It was a girl’s voice.
I couldn’t answer for a long time. That was the one thing I hadn’t prepared for. But it made sense. He must have rebuilt his life. It had been nearly a year, after all. What did I expect? That he’d still be in mourning for our relationship? Could I blame him for wanting to move on?
The knot in my throat grew with every passing second.
Finally, almost choking, I said, “Hi. I’m, uh, a friend. Of Ja—I mean, of Ross’s. My name’s Jennifer. Is he around?”
The girl paused in turn. She had a strange but elegant accent, with long, drawn-out vowels.
“Jennifer?” she repeated.
She’d clearly never even heard of me. So that meant Jack didn’t talk about me. I hadn’t mattered to him as much as I’d thought. Probably I overestimated how much I’d mattered to him.
“He’s in the shower,” she said. “Should I get him?”
In the shower? Had they…?
No—I couldn’t think about that. It wasn’t my business. I closed my eyes and shook my head. “There’s no need to bother him. Just, when he comes out, can you do me a favor?”
I don’t know why I pressed it. He didn’t want me in his life. Couldn’t I just drop the whole thing? When the girl said of course, I asked her, “Could you tell him Jen wanted to tell him happy birthday, please?”
The girl said, “Mm-hmm, I’ll take care of it, au revoir!”
I never knew if she conveyed my message, though. Either way, Jack had turned the page. The same page I kept rereading over and over.
“Jenny, are you listening to me?”
Back in the present, Shannon was trying to bring me down to earth.
“Huh?”
“All I want is to be sure you’re OK, you know? You had a really tough time, and I’m wondering, is it the best idea for you to go back there? It might be like reopening the wound.”
“Shannon, I’ve made up my mind.”
She groaned. “I guess you have. Come on, then, I’ll ride with you to the airport.”
I struggled to get my huge suitcase down the stairs. Biscuit, my dog—Spencer had brought him over—hurried up to me, looking sad. I think he could tell I was going, the poor guy. At least we could share one last cuddle.
When Shannon tried to get me out the door, Owen asked if he could come along, ending with apleasepleaseplease!
“Sure, little guy,” I said, and he cheered, “Cool!”
