“As I mentioned, sometimes it is. But much like the magic flowing within you, Rhea, there is balance. Love is a mirror of itself; it is two sides of the same coin. So, yes. At times, it is terrifying, but it also can be completely exhilarating. There are moments when it’s freeing and consuming and spectacularly beautiful, and I think you’ve barely scratched the surface of that kind of love with Nox.”
His name induces a shuddering breath while I run my hands over the silk dress.
“Why are you so insistent that I try to repair things with him?” I know the moment the question leaves my lips, she won’t be able to answer. Remembering how she insisted that I ask therightquestions, I try rephrasing it. “What is it about him that you like?”
“Well done, Rhea,” she says softly, pride coloring her tone. “And I like many things about him. He’s kind to you and devoted. The magic of this place gives me the ability to see with more than eyes, and the Prince of Stars has a great deal of honor and loyalty within him. His love for you is as endless as the space between worlds.”
“Prince of Stars?” I ask. And, of course, I am met with silence. Groaning in frustration, I add, “How am I to navigate this new space that we are in?”
“Perhaps you should stop thinking of things as so black and white, Rhea. Fate, in particular, is a curious thing. Remember what Alexi told you while playing cards when you were younger: rarely do we ever have all the pieces we need to try and predict what will happen next. There is no telling what would have happened to Alexi if Nox wasn’t the one to point out that he was leaving his post. Just like there is no guessinghow your own fate might have changed had Alexi not brought a bleeding fox to you on the night you discovered your magic.”
My chin dips as the gravity of her words seeps in. WhyhadAlexi thought to bring me Bella? What if I hadn’t called on my magic that day? What if I had stayed hidden when Nox first came to my tower to drop off supplies? I can’t begin to fathom how many of the smaller moments in my life had led me down a path towards something more monumental. They weren’t always good things, but they certainly weren’t all bad either.
“I cannot tell you how to approach dealing with Nox, but I can help lead you out of the fog of indecision that you are lost within.”
I’m reminded of the analogy I had used with Nox—at that time, Flynn—about how I felt like I was in a forest with no sense of direction. Selene is offering a compass—a way to guide me through—and after everything, I am eager to take her up on it.
“Tell me.”
“Explore who you are and what that means,” she says sincerely. “And, most importantly, forgive yourself.”
My breath seizes in my throat as my nails dig into my legs.
“Forgive yourself for the things you could not control. For the things that are not your burden to bear. Lean on the ones who would do whatever it takes to keep you safe so that you don’t have to add more to that imaginary—and incorrect—list of faults you keep within. Forgive yourself, Rhea.”
If it were only as easy as doing that. I had a lifetime of things to work through, to revisit and sort the narrative of. How did I do that without once more becoming undone? I didn’t want to always be this shattered version of myself, constantly picking up the pieces of who I was and forcing them to fit together again.
“I don’t know how,” I gasp.
“Try, Rhea. All you can do is try.”
I don’t realize how hard I’m crying until my next inhale is a forced sob through my teeth. My hair begins to whip and blow around me, a phantom wind signaling that it’s nearing my time to leave. “Wait! Can I stay here for a few moments longer? Just until my eyes close?”
Selene relents easily. “Of course.”
I lie on my side and close my eyes, allowing myself to release more than just tears—more than can be measured or seen by the wetness trailing down my cheeks.
“Can you tell me a story?” I say through my heaving. “Just something to help me fall asleep.”
With my world crumbling—not to fall apart this time but to rebuild into something new—Selene begins her tale.
“Once upon a time, a prince fell in love with a magical woman…”
Chapter Seventeen: Bahira
It’s jarring to seeanimals moving about the ship and working as if they were mortals. A shiver works down my body when their heads slowly turn towards me as I walk past them to go to the dining hall. I have no idea what animal form King Kai has, and I suppose that I have no way of telling either.Unless the shifters can talk in their animal forms?Gods, I hope not.
The dining hall is empty when I enter, and food has been left out under silver-domed trays on a counter in the back. Lifting each one up, I finally settle on what looks to be a veggie saladwith a side of herbed rice and take a seat at one of the many tables that line the room in a grid-like pattern. Sitting in silence has never bothered me before, but there is something about knowing that the only other beings on this ship are currently stalking around as animals that leaves me feeling on edge.
As I eat, I thumb through one of the journals I brought with me. Embroidered on the front is the name Godric, and when I turn to the first page, I see the date is roughly two years before The War Of Five Kingdoms took place. The cursive script of Councilman Godric is elegant, and I easily get lost in the way he describes the historical events that were happening at that time. One particular entry grabs my attention; it details a flame ceremony for a young girl. He talks of how her flame grew to be five feet tall, the glowing show of her magical strength undeniable. The last time a flame was many feet tall was when Nox dropped his blood into the Cauldron of Vires.So, was this Flame Ceremony before the magic started to decline?Turning the page, I read about another ceremony for a boy, his flame shooting to four feet. Each of the following entries are much of the same, with no mention at all about magic acting strangely or lessening in any way.
I’m lost in the research, jotting down notes in my own journal with a spelled pen, when a noise from behind startles me. Turning around, I bite back the scream that lodges itself in my throat. Prowling into the dining hall, the dark wooden door swinging behind it, is the most massive wolf I have ever seen. Its steps are slow and methodical, its thick body covered in dark brown fur while its eyes blaze a deep golden color. It continues its leisurely pace in my direction, its massive head tilting as if in observation.
I swallow, setting the journal down as I steel my spine. My fingers curl in on themselves, and a million different scenariosrun through my head, all of them ending in me getting ripped to shreds by this massive beast.
The wolf huffs, the noise nearlysarcasticin its delivery. It walks past me as if this entire exchange was some sort of test, one I have no idea if I passed or not, when music outside begins to play. I watch the wolf’s ears twitch while the hackles on its back rise and its tail goes stiff. The wolf halts and turns to glare back at me.
I’m intent to stare right back when something begins to feeloff.I stand as the blending of notes—no, avoice—resonates in my ears. It is so beautiful andenticingthat I want to find the owner of such a lovely sound. I brush past the wolf, walking towards the door that will lead out onto the deck. The eerie melody washes over me, getting louder and louder and forcing out every other thought. It begs me to keep moving forward, and Iwantto answer its call. I push through the swinging wooden door, the bright sunlight briefly blinding me as I walk out.
