He became abashed and apologetic, then sat down immediately, which placed her on a slightly more even footing, though she felt unaccountably guilty for calling him to task.
She repeated, “You must know—what, exactly?”
He sighed. “Something you will not wish to tell me.”
“I see—” she dragged out, though she really did not. “I suppose we are at an impasse. You may need to continue struggling in vain.”
“Perhaps not. I should like to offer a bargain that you may take or leave as you choose.”
Elizabeth felt a mixture of excitement and trepidation but finally nodded.
“Since you will not wish to tell me what I wish to know, I must negotiate. I will tell youtwothings that youwillwant to know, but both will make you so angry I must check the surroundings for lethal weapons and rocks first.”
She could not help herself—she burst out laughing. She had thought the gentleman had an understated sense of humour, but he was certainly carrying his share of the teasing load for the day.
“And?” she asked, almost too curious to remain composed, and not truly heeding his warning that she would likely be angry soon.
“After I give you two secrets for free—to establish my sincerity, such as it is—I will trade you my deepest secret for yours… it is but a fair exchange.”
She considered this for a few moments. Gentlemen and ladies were notsupposedto make bargains, especially about secrets, but unless he had overlooked one of the lethal weapons he mentioned, nobody would ever know.
“I agree,” she said with an impish grin. “Do your worst, sir.”
He looked as though he were steeling himself for battle.
“First: I convinced Bingley to give up your sister!”
Elizabeth’s astonishment was beyond expression. She stared, coloured, doubted, and was silent.
He looked very much like a schoolboy standing in the master’s study, eyeing the cane upon the wall, having just been caught saying the man was a big fat idiot with stupid and rather smelly children. He looked positively ghastly, as if expecting to be run out of the parsonage with a broom or fire iron.
She frowned and nodded tersely for him to continue.
“As you probably suspect—or possibly know—his sisters opposed yours from the start. He rarely listens to their opinions, but he takes mine seriously. I told him the obvious drawbacks of your family that you know well—namely the entail, the relative poverty of the sisters, and to be candid,” then he paused to draw a shuddering breath before continuing, “that total want of propriety so frequently, so almost uniformly betrayed by every member of your family save you and Miss Bennet. That would have been distressing, but manageable—however, I observed Miss Bennet carefully, and the serenity of your sister’s countenance and air was such as might have given the most acute observer a conviction that, however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be easily touched, while you may remember your mother’s amiable temper was of a very different nature.”
He sighed. “Since meeting you here I have come to believe I may have been in error. You said nothing explicit, but I am far less convinced than I was.”
As he appeared to expect a rebuke, she stared at him for several seconds, waiting until he was thoroughly discomposed—then she burst out laughing. Once she started, she could not stop for quite some time. In the end, he tried to join her, but since he had no idea what she found so amusing, he gave up and waited for her to finish.
She sighed with one last chuckle.
“Oh, Mr Darcy… you are too funny… hilarious, in fact. I could almost kiss you right now!”
He looked more confused than happy or alarmed, and finally said, “Explain!”
She chuckled. “Well, youdidin fact completely misjudge Jane. Shewasvery much in love with the man—for months. However, once we thought better of the whole issue, we concluded she was saved by providence from a feckless weasel. If you wish to call on her at my uncle’s house, she will thank you personally, so long as you do not bringthat manwith you.”
“I do not understand. She was in love, but is now… ah… content?”
“Yes sir. You must congratulate yourself on having lately saved my sister from the inconvenience of a most imprudent marriage. Can you imagine Jane spending her years enduring his sisters' endless sniping? They would have children and she would spend her life raising not one, buttwogenerations of quarrelsome children, with the elder being beyond reformation. Yes, she will most certainly thank you if you ever meet again.”
He looked startled. “Well… that was… unexpected. I suppose it went better than I had hoped.”
“You shall not escape unscathed!” she snapped with her sternest demeanour.
“It was terribly, obnoxiously officious, and if you wish to improve your character, I suggest you refrain from such low tricks in future. You were fortunate this time, but if Mr Bingley were a better man, you could just as easily have exposed one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, and the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, involving them both in misery of the acutest kind. As it was, Jane had to endure the gossip of the neighbourhood and the cries of our mother for months. Mr Bingley could have avoided that in any one of a hundred ways.”
“It was my first and last foray into the dark arts,” he asserted definitively, and Elizabeth nodded.
