“No difference.”
There was a difference, even if it was small. But I let it slip this time.
“Anyway. He’s hot, and if he’d touch me, or make me touch him the way he did with you, I’d totally be okay with it. And…” She stopped and thought about her next words before continuing. “You should let it happen.”
I frowned and looked at my hands for a while before meeting her eyes again. “Why?”
“Because letting him close would literally be an empowerment for you.”
Her words didn’t make much sense to me, so I waited for her to explain.
“Think about it. You said he had two girls on his knees in front of him, but he couldn’t get it up until he let himself look at you. He got frustrated, even though he literally had two naked women before him. Whatever’s wrong with Callan, you’re the one giving him what he needs.”
I was following her better now, but it still didn’t click in my mind. “What if he’s just using me?”
“Does it feel like he is using you?” she asked.
I shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, he said he wasn’t.”
“And he basically admitted to you that your touch got him harder than his actual costars. Without even being naked.”
She had a point, and for once, I was starting to feel a sense of power. Still, I wasn’t sure how all that was going to work when I sat on that set for something way more innocent.
“If I were you, I’d let it happen and see where things go. It’s not like there’s feelings involved, right?”
I studied my hands again. “Not really. I mean, I’m confused. And he’s…”
“A super-hot guy.”
I laughed softly. “Holls…”
“I’m not wrong, and you know it.” She grabbed my hands and pulled them to her lap. “He’s been in this business forever,” she continued. “He’s probably done every scenario,every fantasy, every role. But then you come along, and suddenly he can’t even fake it unless he sees your face. That’s not him using you. That’s him needing you.”
I frowned. “What if it’s all in my head?”
“It’s not. You said he told you himself that he was hard because of you.” She smirked. “Do you know how insane that is for someone like him to admit? That’s not a try at manipulation, that’s a damn confession.”
I looked at her for a while, feeling something shift in my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was relief or fear.
She tilted her head. “You’ve always been careful, Lana. Always trying to do what’s right, or safe, or normal. But maybe you need to stop thinking about what it means and just feel it. See what happens. Maybe it’s not about him at all. Maybe it’s about you taking control of something for once.”
I studied her, trying to see if she was serious. And she was. Completely.
She grinned suddenly. “Oh my god. You could totally become his fluffer.”
I blinked. “His what?”
She started laughing. “You don’t know what a fluffer is?”
I shook my head.
“Okay, so in porn, a fluffer’s the person who keeps the guys hard between takes. Like, you know, touching, teasing, whatever helps him stay ready for the camera.”
I stared at her. “That’s…a real job?”
“Totally. Some people make good money from it. But in your case…” she gave me a mischievous look, “…you’d be doing it for personal gain.”
I groaned and dropped my face into my hands. “Holland, oh my god.”
