“My little girl is laughing, Janet, full-on laughing, a belly laugh. I’ve never seen her do that,” I said, saddened.
“Because they adapted to your pain. What you’ve now got to show them is that you can and will heal. The nightmares might fade, but never leave; the flashbacks may be the same; it’s how you handle them moving forward. Have you even begun taking the medication I prescribed?” Janet asked astutely.
“No.”
“I guessed that would be the case. Adam, I wouldn’t prescribe anything unless it helped you. I’m not a pill pusher. What you suffered was a massive trauma. You weren’t trained to be a soldier,” Janet stated, and I snorted.
“We’ll need to disagree with that,” I replied.
“No. You need to listen. You weren’t trained to be a soldier. Adam, you were a bodyguard, which is different from someone in the armed forces. Sure, you were into protection, but you never expected to be involved in a war. Not one where you were exposed to violence for a length of time. None of us could have anticipated what would happen with the Venomous Fangs.”
“It was a homegrown war on American soil. A threat that was ignored. War hadn’t touched our soil since…” I broke off as my breathing quickened.
My mind flashed, and I was once again crouched down behind a container with James beside me. James’s face was set in stone as we raised our guns and fired at the approaching wave of men. There was a boom, then I felt the force of being blown backwards and realised I was facing death.
I hit the ground hard, and debris rained down around me. A searing pain hit my leg, not once but several times, and then darkness stole the sun from me.
I could hear my breathing and guessed that, for now, I was still alive. My ears rang, and all sounds around me were muffled. A single thought ran through my head: I’d failed. Frank and James had died.
How could I face our families now? A pinprick of light appeared, and then suddenly, James’s face was in mine as his hands frantically patted me down.
He winced and yanked off his belt and tied it tightly around my leg. Pain was rushing through me, and I could have screamed. Actually, I think I did scream.
James was shouting orders, and then he was gone, and I was being moved. Every single little movement caused agony in my leg. I was shoved into an ambulance, and I could smell burning around me. Surely, that was wrong.
Sounds were coming back as someone jabbed a needle in my arm, and I flinched. I heard an explosion, gunshots and shouts. Flames roared from somewhere close by, and the world smelled of desperation and chaos.
“Go! He needs a surgeon!” someone yelled, but it was faint, almost dulled against the roar of war around me.
I blinked. Did I even still have a leg? All I could feel was sheer burning pain. Don’t they say that amputees can still feel their missing limbs? Doors slammed shut, and I wondered what was happening. There was too much going on. Where was James? Why wasn’t he with me? Did he know I was going to die like Frank?
“Breathe, Adam,” a voice said in my ear.
“Keep the mask on; it’s helping you breathe,” someone snapped as I tried to pull something from my face. Did I want to keep breathing if I’d lost a leg? That was a good question, and I almost laughed.
Loud noises boomed around me as the ambulance I was in began moving. Explosions, gunshots, screams, and yells. It was the pure epitome of being in a war zone, only we were on American soil. This should happen here. Wars like this happened in faraway places.
A smell permeated the air: death. It’s distinctive, and once smelled, nobody would ever forget it. Had death sunk into my pores, was it finally coming for me?
I thought of my family; James would look after them. They’d survive without me.
“Nobody has to survive without you, Adam. Breathe deeply.”
“Janet!” I gasped and sucked in air.
“You’re having a flashback, Adam, just breathe deeply,” Janet ordered.
“Oh man,” I forced out, my throat constricting. “I’m fucked up.”
“No, you’re traumatised, and rightfully so. I was there too that day. I saw what you saw,” Janet replied.
That stunned me. “You were?”
“Yes, Drake had ordered me out of Rapid City as a friend of the club. But I stayed because I knew I’d be needed,” Janet replied.
“You could have been killed!” I forced out.
“Yes. And that would have been a shame, but I was needed and stayed. I sat with James as he paced back and forth, waiting for news about you and Drake. I sat with a great many that day,” Janet said calmly. I focused on her voice.
