“You know we don’t feel that way about you,” Laurel said. “You’re just like family to us.”
Not exactly what Amy wanted to hear, but she smiled and nodded. “I appreciate that.”
“That said, I can understand that you might need a break from us, too,” Laurel laughed.
“No. It’s not like that. Just need to do a couple of things. I’ll be back a little later. Don’t wait lunch for me.”
Laurel nodded. “See you later.”
Glancing around, Amy saw that Will was talking with a couple of people, and Isabella hadn’t shown up yet. She figured it was best she slip away before the little girl saw her, or she’d have a harder time leaving.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Outside the church, the day was warm and sunny. Perfect for what she needed. After a stop at a gas station to get directions to a nearby lake that had a park surrounding it, Amy ran into Walmart and picked up a few things for lunch. Normally she would have just gone through the drive-thru somewhere, but fast food places didn’t have her favorite cookies and right now she wanted a bag of them.
It didn’t take long to find the park the attendant had given her directions to. She parked Jessa’s car and gathered up her purse and the food she’d bought. There were others there, but after walking for a bit she managed to find an empty picnic table under a big tree near the water. She settled onto the seat facing the lakeand let out a long breath. For a while, she just sat there absorbing the sights and sounds of nature.
Summer in Minnesota was lovely, but right then she was really missing her folks and her life in Dallas. She wanted to hunker down for a long chat with Sammi. She wanted to go for a walk with her mom. She wanted to help her dad in the garden. The Collingsworths had all been so welcoming to her, but the people she connected with more deeply were allso very far away. And the one person she wanted to connect with saw her as nothing more than another sister to add to the five he already had.
Amy reached into her purse and found her notebook and pen. She set them on the picnic table and then pulled out some of the food she’d bought, along with a bottle of water. After a brief hesitation, she turned off her phone. She didn’t expect anyone to try to get hold of her, but the longer she sat there, the more Amy knew she just needed some time to think through everything without distractions.
She found a blank page in her notebook and picked up her pen. Before she began to write, she bowed her head and asked God for peace and wisdom as she tried to figure out what to do. Though she still wasn’t happy with what God had allowed to happen, Amy knew that she did need to trust Him. She said the words in hopes that her heart would truly fall in line with that desire.
Back in high school, the Bible class teacher at her Christian school had challenged them to memorize verses. As part of an extra credit project, they were to pick a word from a list the teach had and then memorize as many verses at they could with that word in it. Since she was in the midst of her “trusting God about Will” phase, she’d chosen the word trust.
As she sat there, she reached back into her memory to find those verses. They had given her hope back then, but that had been before everything had gone wrong. Now she needed the reminder to continue to trust God when things weren’t going as she had planned. As a teenager, she’d been confused about how to continue to trust God when it seemed like what He’d let her feel had been wrong. She had a bit more maturity now though, but still she struggled with trusting Him.
She let out a long breath and picked up her pen. Slowly she began to write on the lined paper.
Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. Psalm 27:5
Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You. Psalm 56:3
In God I have put my trust; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11
Trust in Him at all times, you people; Pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuse for us. Psalm 62:8.
It is better to trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. Psalm 118:8
Amy paused, surprised that she had remembered that many. Even with their references. She stared out at the water, watching as birds swooped down and then soared again. There was still one more verse in her mind. One that she knew should be the verse she clung to, but it was hard.
Bending over her notebook again, she wroteTrust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6.
That had been a verse she’d been required to memorize several times throughout her years in Christian school and Sunday school at church. So recalling it came easily, but putting it into practice was much more difficult.
She rested her hands on her notebook, running her fingers up and down the smoothness of her pen. Trust God. It was something she’d heard her whole life. It was so easy to say. Clearly she was guilty of spouting the words without putting it into practice. And now she was faced with the reality of having to do it, even though it was a struggle. How could she trust God when she still felt that sting of hurt from all those years ago?
Bottom line was she was scared. Scared of what her future held now that she didn’t have a clear view of what lay ahead. Scared of the feelings in her heart. Scared to trust God to lead her down the path He wanted her to go. She was scared of the heartache that might lay that way once again.
Amy swallowed hard, wishing it was just as easy as saying the words. And she realized how easy it was to say shetrusted God when things were going well. Now faced with stuff falling apart or happening beyond her control, that trust was hard to come by.
But she knew that even though she should be trusting God, she still needed to do her part. It wasn’t likely He was going to just drop another job into her lap. Amy had to do her part.
She flipped a page in her notebook and began to write a new list.
1. Search for other schools in Dallas
2. Call and ask if they have openings for teachers or subs
