Help me, God.
"He is there for you. Make things right with Him. If you've sinned against Him. If you've walked away from Him.If the things you've faced have pulled you away from His will, turn back now. God knows your heart. He knows your struggle. He wants to give you the strength—His strength—to face all those things. In Matthew 11 He says 'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.' If you're longing for that rest for your soul, turn to the Lord."
As the pastor finished his sermon, Nate felt that longing—so intense—to find rest for his soul. To let go of the burdens that had weighed him down for so long. He'd thought he could do it himself, but he knew now that no matter what he did on his own, he'd never truly find that rest and peace without the Lord. And though his mother had her ups and downs, she had believed that to her dying day.
As the opening strains of a hymn played on the piano, Nate felt his heart clench. It was a song he knew all too well. His mom had sung it so often, and in the last days of her life, she'd asked him to sing it for her. And he had, every time she asked. Though his voice had wavered with emotion, he had sung it for her.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
When the pastor asked for people to come to the front if they needed prayer, Nate stood and made his way on shaky legs out of the sanctuary into the foyer. He had to get out before emotion totally overtook him. Head bent, he walked to the door and leaned against it, trying to find the strength to push it open.
"Son?"
Son?He was no one's son anymore.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Nate froze, unwilling to look and see the man offering to pray with him. He couldn't let him see the emotion that was no doubt plastered all over his face. The man's hand covered his where it rested on the door and added his strength to push it open. Warmth greeted them as they stepped from the building.
Without a word, the man led Nate to the stone bench off to the side. The one he remembered seeing Lily sitting on that night not so long ago. The man's hand again moved to his shoulder as Nate sat, head bent, hands hanging loose between his knees as he leaned forward.
"Father, You know the burdens that Nate carries. He's faced so much over the past several years, no doubt he's felt overwhelmed and like he was going to drown. Today we ask that You give him rest from those burdens. Give him the strength to place them at Your feet and find the rest You want each of us to have. Assure him of Your love and Your grace for all he has faced and all he has done. Give him Your peace."
Nate felt tears spill over and lifted a hand to brush themaside. He wasn't given to emotion, especially not tears. He drew in a ragged breath as the man finished his prayer. Finally, he looked over to see who it was that had seen his pain and offered to pray with him. Though he didn't know the man well, he recognized him right away as Megan's father.
The older man smiled at him. "You're not alone, son. I know you probably feel that you are, but know that there are people who cared about your parents and who care about you."
Nate gave a nod, wishing everything felt better, that he was flooded with the peace the man had prayed for him.
But he wasn’t.
"Thank you. I appreciate the prayer."
"Anytime." The man held out his hand which Nate shook before he stood.
"I need to go."
The man nodded and stepped to the side so Nate could move past him. He laid a hand on his arm as he walked by. "I realize we haven't made much effort to connect with you after your dad died." The man frowned. "I let the busyness of life get the better of me, but I would like to make myself available to you if you ever need to talk. Megan has shared about what you've been dealing with most recently with Lily. Between that and the fire I'm sure you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. I'm a listening ear if you need one. No pressure. Just know the offer stands should you ever want to talk."
"Thank you," Nate said again, feeling a slow connection being made. He looked into the man's blue eyes and saw concern there, but also a serious intent. "I might just take you up on that."
"In the meantime, we will be praying for you."
After Nate had slid behind the wheel of his truck, he sat for a moment, pondering the tumult of thoughts and feelingsthat were so vibrantly alive within his mind and body. After his mother's death, he'd closed them off. Intense emotions could cause the most hurt in the end. He realized now that he'd held back so much from Lily even though he'd loved her with all his heart. He'd been scared to show exactly how much she'd meant to him. How important she was to him. And in the end, it had felt like it had been the right decision when she'd left him. And yet, would she have left him if he'd shown all along just how much she meant to him? He would never know now.
Movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention, and he saw people were beginning to leave the church. Needing to get away, Nate quickly put the truck in reverse and made his way out of the parking lot.
Nate pulled to a stop on the driveway and stared at the manor. He knew this was where he needed to come, but his stomach was a mass of nerves. After leaving the church that morning he'd gone to his apartment, but its stark emptiness had pulled him more to depression than the peace he sought. Instead, he'd gone to Walmart and picked up some fishing equipment and a fishing license. All of his fishing equipment—and his dad’s—had been lost in the fire. After paying for it all, he made his way to the fishing spot he and his dad used to go to years ago. Before his mother had gotten sick and then died. Before his dad had decided to open the garage in Sanford. Back when their lives had been perfect.
And as he'd sat there, he had allowed himself to feel everything he'd been holding back for so long. Mainly it was the grief. Grief over the losses that had ripped at his heart. His mom. Lily. His dad. Each one had crushed him more than he had allowed himself to acknowledge. Alone at the water's edge, Nate hadn't caught any fish, but he'd shed the tears he'd never allowed to come before. And he'd made his way back to the Lord.
And as he did, he'd known that he needed to make things right. First with Crystal for how he'd been during theirrelationship. He should never have allowed their relationship to continue knowing he could never offer her his whole heart. It was wrong to have taken advantage of what she'd offered knowing that.
