She grins. “Take it all, Ledger, ‘cause I ain’t going anywhere.”
“Good.” I give her a kiss, tasting mint and sweat on her.
“I’m sorry, but are we ruining a moment or something?” comes Alex’s voice.
Cignette and I turn towards the patio, and find Varsha and Alex making their way to us.
“It doesn’t make sense for you to ask about it after having ruined it already, does it?” I retort.
“You are just as much a dickhead as you are well-spoken, aren’t you?”
“Comes with the territory of being your babysitter, I suppose.”
Alex pretends to gag, then rolls his eyes, and as him and Varsha get closer, I notice how he absentmindedly fidgets with the silver wedding band on his left ring finger.
He hasn’t taken it off yet, and I’ve noticed recently that he often messes with it without even realizing that he’s doing it. Him and Jayce were inseparable. They were polar opposites, but somehow, they just went together, and went together really well. I think about, and let myself feel Jayce’s loss every single day, but I can’t even begin to imagine how difficult it must be for Alex. Wedotalk about it, but it’s still impossible for me to discern the depth of what he’s experiencing. I can be there for him, stand with him, but what I can’t do is ease the pain I know he still feels. I really wish I could, but unfortunately for us, life doesn’t work like that.
Alex is strong, yes, but ever since Jayce’s passing, he hasn’t been the man he was before. I don’t see the same glimmer in his bright eyes anymore, nor do I hear him crack the jokes he always used to. He was the life of our crew, but lately, he’s been more reserved, more…distant. And I understand that loss and grief change a person, but it hurts me to see that he’s given up on the spark that always lit him up and made him,him. And yet, I’m so goddamn proud of him for waking up every morning and putting one foot in front of the other, because at the end of the day, that’s the only thing that matters to me and the others.
“You get the kill details yet?” asks Varsha, and her voice instantly pulls me out of my momentary trance.
I clear my throat and give her a nod. “Yeah.” Sliding my phone out of my jeans, I open up the email from Magner containing all the information, and am about to start telling the crew about the mission when Solo’s name flashes across my screen in an incoming call from him.
I turn my phone towards Cigs and wiggle it in front of her, and when she sees what I’m trying to show her, her face contorts into a scowl, which in turn makes me chuckle.
“Solo,” I say after receiving the call.
“Hey, kid.”
“Do you honestly just have impeccable timing, or are you secretly stalking me?”
He scoffs. “Don’t flatter yourself. I simply called to get all the possible info on tonight’s kills so that I can do my research and polish you idiots up on any missed facts.”
“How very generous of you.”
“Glad to hear you’re just as dense as you were yesterday,” he remarks.
I grin. “You’ve taught me well.”
“Hey, dick-weasel,” Cignette cuts in from next to me. “Or do you prefer ‘worthless piece of shit’?”
Solo laughs, and the sound cracks to static against the speaker. “Well, that’s mild, even for you.”
“Don’t worry, I’m merely warming up.”
“Lord save me,” he quips.
Cignette scowls again. “You should be here, you know,” she tells Solo. “This is our first mission after–”
“The four of you have got this,” he states resolutely, and I sigh because I know he’s right, but I also agree with Cignette.
“That’s not an excuse for you to be absent, Solo,” she argues. “You need to–”
“Can we please just discuss the kills?” Alex says a little too loudly, surprising us all. “Please,” he then adds, and averts his gaze from mine when I look at him.
“Right,” Varsha all but chirps, which is very unlike her. “Give us the target names already, Dor.” She then proceeds to shoot daggers at Cignette, who grimaces in silent apology and physically takes a step back so as to shift closer to me.
I clear my throat and start telling the crew about the kills. I begin with Timothy, then move on to Selina, and finally – because I knew it would strike a nerve in all of us – I tell them about Jedediah. Silence fills the air after I’m done, thickening it. Solo remains quiet as well, knowing he can’t contribute an input on this.
