9
EMBER
The morning of the charity toy drive where I had to appear as the Hearthkeeper, I woke feeling anxious and overwhelmed, maybe a bit nauseous too.
I'd been hesitant all week about attending.
Nate said he would get me out of this, but after speaking with my neighbor, I realized maybe I didn’t want to bow out.
But staring at my face in the mirror and seeing the gaunt expression from lack of sleep, I was rethinking things.
I could stay home or call in sick.
And it would be easy to send Nate a message saying I couldn't make it and let him handle the event alone.
But I'd spent two years hiding after Brad, and I was done with it. I refused to let people back me into a corner anymore.
I wanted to be confident and live up to the honor of the women who'd gone before me, and I made the decision that even if I hadto do it with my hands trembling and my gut churning, I would show up and represent women all over this city.
I finished my makeup, pulled my hair into a neat ponytail, and dressed in black pants and a burgundy blouse.
The outfit was professional and warm, appropriate for standing outside for several hours and hopefully nowhere near provocative enough to cause any ungracious remarks.
I grabbed my purse and headed for the door before I could change my mind.
The town square was already bustling when I arrived.
Volunteers in red aprons were setting up folding tables near the central fountain, arranging collection bins for toys and winter clothing.
A banner hung between two lamp posts that said,Christmas Committee Charity Drive - Supporting Local Families in Need.And a crowd was already starting to collect around the flutter of activity.
I spotted Nate near the main collection table, speaking with two volunteers, and the look on his face was serious.
He wore a white polo and tan slacks that made his butt look incredible, but while I was drooling, I also reminded myself where I was.
People were already talking enough about the situation and I didn't need to give them more fodder for their gossip.
Besides, nothing could ever happen between me and him.
As much as I enjoyed the thrill of it and the way he made me feel, I had to remain professional and put it behind me.
I had to think of my career and my future here in Boston.
When he saw me approaching, his expression softened briefly before returning to the professional demeanor I saw every day at work now.
We'd agreed after the gala photograph that we needed to maintain strict distance in public, no casual touches or private jokes.
Nothing that could be misconstrued or captured on camera.
What that boiled down to was the spark between us being snuffed out and a few minimal messages in the evenings.
"Good morning," I said when I reached the table.
"Morning." He gestured toward the bins. "We're expecting a steady flow of donations throughout the day. The volunteers will handle most of the sorting, but we need to greet donors and take photos for the press releases."
"Understood," I told him as I set my bag beneath the table.
The idea of photographs didn't sit well with me, but it wasn't really my call.
