“Okie dokie. Make yourself at home.” Ozzie flopped down at his kitchen table and opened up his work laptop.
From what Tuesday was grabbing, it very much looked as if he was making burgers. He chopped up half an onion and some garlic to add to the hamburger in a big bowl, poured in a bunch of soy sauce, and continued to add more spices to the mix.
Ozzie turned sleepy eyes to his screen to log in, his thick fingers typing in his password automatically. As it loaded, he turned his attention back to Tuesday. “So food’s the same, wherever you came from? Or are there Earth food restaurants?”
“Oh yeah. The Grays have been kidnapping humans forever and a couple of ’em have opened up diners and stuff in other galaxies.” Tuesday mixed together the hamburger and then formed several patties, glancing back over his shoulder at Ozzie.
“That’s... lovely.” Ozzie grimaced.
“I’m joking. Oh my God.” Tuesday cackled. “You’re so gullible.”
“Well, I’m so sorry for not being up on my other-worldly cultures.” Ozzie scowled, and his face grew hot.
“Just teasing you, baby. Most aliens are pretty chill. Well… not all of them. Ugh. But mostly.” Tuesday giggled, pausing to wash his upper hands while his lower set put a frying pan on the stove. “How do you like your burgers? Extra dead or with some moo in them?”
“Um, mostly dead,” Ozzie answered with a laugh, clicking away as he got set up for the day. “Speaking of not chill aliens... tell me about your ex. Like is he gonna bust into my bathtub looking for you?”
Tuesday flinched, fumbling with a spatula and dropping it on the floor. He grabbed it and then turned to the sink to wash it, mumbling, “What? No. Uh. He might, maybe...blow up the planet.” He grinned, saying at normal volume, “Right! So, mostly dead! On it.”
Ozzie’s blood went cold and his fingers froze on the keyboard. “Ha ha. That’s hilarious.” He chuckled nervously, his eyes searching Tuesday for a sign he was joking.
Tuesday’s bubbly demeanor cracked as he scrambled over to the stove to start on the burgers, his lower arms melting into slime. His left leg followed suit, as if he was having trouble keeping himself together—quite literally.
“Tuesday?” Ozzie prompted.
“My ex is, uh, he’s a real jerk.” Tuesday swallowed hard. “Like I said. Narcissistic, okay? And, and he’s... He’s just not a great person. He’s maybe sort of an, uh, conqueror of worlds type? Like, well, you know. Space Genghis Khan. There we go. Just not nice.”
Oswald stared, trapped somewhere between amused and horrified.
Being compared to Genghis Khan did not inspire confidence.
At all.
“Just not nice,” Ozzie echoed. “Okay. He doesn’t sound bat-shit terrifying at all.”
“He is maybe a tiny bit.” Tuesday dropped the hamburger patties into the pan, hanging his head. “But... he’s also charming and way hot and…” He groaned, trying to reform his arms. “Just an absoluteasshole. I… I had to get away from him, but he wouldn’t let me go. I tried for weeks. Months. And I was gettin’ kinda desperate. So, that’s why I stole his stupid transporter thingie and well, ended up here.”
“Well, I’m glad you did,” Ozzie said quietly, sympathy welling up inside of him. “Even if you did scare the crap outta me in the bathtub. You shouldn’t be trapped.”
“Thanks, baby.” Tuesday flashed Ozzie a bright smile. “I appreciate that.” He flipped the burgers. “I was thinking, you know... Maybe I could stick around here for a little longer? Especially since we’ve exchanged DNA and all that.”
Ozzie’s heart fluttered wildly against his ribcage at the thought of Tuesday being around more.
For someone who hated almost everyone, that was pretty fucking new.
“Yeah! I mean…” Ozzie cleared his throat, trying not to sound too eager. “Things are gonna be kinda crazy around here for a while with the holidays. You might not wanna be around for that.”
“Why not? Holidays kinda seem like fun!” Tuesday smiled warmly. “At least they look fun on TV anyway.”
“Sure! Everything is fun on TV.” Ozzie snorted, clicking on his inbox.
A few help messages were already waiting for him, and he clicked on the first one.
Tuesday kept on cooking and a few minutes later, he presented Ozzie with a hot juicy cheeseburger. “Ta-dah!”
Ozzie looked up from his computer with a hungry groan. “Damn, that looks incredible.” He pushed the laptop back a few inches to make room for the plate. “Thank you!”
Tuesday beamed. “You’re welcome. Dig in!” He sat beside Ozzie, shoving his own burger in his mouth.
