I swallow the lump in my throat and take another sip of water, washing down my new reality. Nothing like fucking tap water to take the edge off.
My gaze lands on Matt’s whiskey. “Yes,” I say, answering the question he asked earlier. “I’m planning to see my mom before Christmas Eve.”
I’m doing exactly what he’s been doing for the past goddamn month—avoiding any more talk of Alley.
“Look. I’m really sorry, bud. Don’t give up. I just don’t want to give you false hope.”
I nod, brushing it off. “I’m thinking I’ll reach out to Megan first. She’s hated me the longest, and if we don’t talk, Christmas Eve’s gonna be awkward for everyone.”
Christmas is two weeks away. I’ve got mixed feelings about it. A week ago, I was excited—ready to come home, see everyone, make amends, get back to our normal life.
But I don’t even know what normal is anymore. It sure as shit isn’t the life I used to have. The one where I woke up next to Alley, drank coffee with her in the mornings, spent weekends at brunch or watching football…
That life’s gone. And I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.
“She doesn’t hate you,” Matt says, offering a weak smile. “I think things will go better than you think with her.”
“Yeah? That’s good, then.”
The server comes by and we both order the same thing—the ribeye on a hot slab.
“My boss let me keep my job,” I say, trying to steer things in a more positive direction.
“Really? That’s great! When do you go back?”
“After the New Year. He told me to take some time to get settled back home. He was great about the whole thing.”
My boss was one of the first people I was approved to call. I did it during a therapy session. I apologized, asked for forgiveness. I figured I’d hang up without a job. But that’s not what happened. He told me his brother was an addict—that heunderstood. He said I’d have a job waiting for me. That he’d give me one more chance.
I’m grateful for that. More than I can say.
“How’s Jordan?” I ask, mostly to keep myself talking. If I don’t, I’ll start thinking about how Alley never asked about me—how she probably doesn’t even think about me. My pulse spikes.What if she’s over me? What if she’s already seeing someone?
My eyes flick to Matt’s drink again.God, just one would be nice. Just to relax. Slow the thoughts.
Fuck.
No.
I force my gaze to Matt’s face.
“She’s good, I guess. Don’t really know. I haven’t talked to her in weeks… She’s engaged, actually.”
My brows shoot up. “Really? God, I’m sorry.”
Matt shrugs. “Why? It’s not like she was my girlfriend.”
“Ah, come on. Cut the bullshit. I know you care more than you let on. It’sJordan. You two have been off and on since fucking kindergarten.”
“Yeah, she’s a good friend. Of course I care about her. I just hope she’s not marrying him as a last resort, you know? I want her to be happy.” He lifts his glass, but pulls it back before taking a sip. “It’s just bullshit that we can’t even be friends now. Like that’s off the table because she’s engaged. So yeah, that fucking sucks.”
He’s so in love with her. He just can’t admit it. “So, Dr. Douchebag’s still a douchebag?”
“Yeah. He’s still a fucking douchebag.” He takes a larger sip this time, sets the glass down, then looks at me. “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about Alley until now. Let’s talk about her.”
Shit. Just hearing him say her name brings a rush of emotion to the surface.
“Thanks. But I’m good.”
