Just like she promised she would.
I sinkinto the cold sheets, spent and satisfied. Skiing, sex, laughter, connection.Damn.It’s been a good day.
Alley curls up against me, nuzzling into the crook of my shoulder. My hand drifts lazily over her back, tracing up and down. Her ear presses firm to my chest, fingers toying with that little trail of hair below my belly button. She loves that hair. I used to shave it, thought she preferred that, until one day she told me she missed it. Said it was sexy. Manly. Haven’t touched a razor there since. If Alley likes it, that’s how it stays.
She props up onto an elbow, palm sliding over my chest. “Hey,” she says softly.
My brows pinch as I meet her gaze.
She hesitates. “I think we should talk about the stuff Sophie told us to talk about.”
“The thing we’re scared to share?”
“Yeah.” Her tone is timid, like she’s nervous just mentioning it.
“Okay. You want to go first, or me?”
“I think I want you to.”
She presses a quick kiss to my lips, then settles back against the pillow. I roll onto my side so I can look at her. Our fingers weave together, legs tangling under the duvet. The room is dark and quiet.
“Alright. I’ll go first…” My pulse kicks up a notch, nerves sparking. “God, I hope this doesn’t come out wrong.”
“Doesn’t matter. Just say it.”
I clear my throat and swallow. The words feel heavy in my chest. “I worry,” I start, because that’s the part I’m sure about, “I worry you’ll always be looking over your shoulder, waiting for me to fuck up—to relapse. And I get why. I don’t expect you to flip a switch and just trust me again.”
My thumb brushes over the back of her hand. “I know trust isn’t something you hand over. It’s something I have to earn back. But I’m afraid that no matter how much time passes, even as we start a family, you’ll just be waiting for shit to hit the fan, for me to be the way your dad was. I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes, but I promise you I’ll show up. Every day. I’ll do the boring, ugly, slow stuff—meetings, workouts, whatever it takes. I’ll choose you and sobriety, over and over.”
My voice drops, softer. “I can’t make you forgive me or trust me. Only you can do that. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to earn it, if you let me.”
She’s quiet for a moment, brows furrowed, lips pressed tight. “I want to trust you again, Jensen. I really do. And I’m trying. So hard.” She frees her hand from my grip and slides it up my arm.“I made an appointment today… for hypnotherapy. It’s with the same person Cooper went to. Leo referred her. Cooper said it helped her a lot.” She takes a deep breath. “I want you to know I’m doing what I can to help myself heal, so I can learn to trust again. Work through all the emotions and trauma. Sooner rather than later.” She offers a weak smile.
“That’s great, babe. When’s your first appointment?”
“Next week. I’m kind of nervous. I don’t know what to expect. I’ve never done anything like that before.”
“I get that. But you’ll be great. Just show up, do your best.” I press a quick kiss to her mouth. “Proud of you. I know you hate therapy.”
Her lips twitch.
“Your turn,” I whisper.
“Okay.” She lets out a shaky exhale. “I’m nervous. Which is crazy because it’s you. My heart’s racing.”
I give her hand a squeeze, chuckling. “It’s just me. You don’t have to be nervous.”
“I know,” she says softly. “I couldn’t decide what I wanted to tell you. But after reading your letters, it was pretty clear what I needed to say. I just… I don’t want it to hurt you.”
God, she’s so selfless. “Babe, I can handle it. Promise.”
She lets out a breathy laugh. “How do you know that? You don’t even know what it is.”
I kiss the back of her hand. “Because I’ve got you. As long as I have that, I can handle anything. We’re in this together. And we’re pretty fucking amazing when we’re a team.”
Her eyes gloss over. “But we were a team”—she swallows hard, voice cracking—“before.”
I let go of her hand and comb my fingers through her hair, letting my palm settle against the side of her head, my thumb brushing her temple. I shake my head. “No, babe. Not like we thought.”
