I blow out a breath, and Sophie offers a small smile. “Thank you for sharing all that, Jensen. And about your addiction. It’s hard to be vulnerable and admit our faults and fears.”
Sophie turns her attention to Alley. “Alley, why don’t you tell me what your goals are and what brought you in?”
She hesitates. This is hard for her. I know it is. She opens up to people she’s close to—me, Leo, Scarlett, Matt—but it takes a long time to earn her trust. It’s one of her greatest strengths and her biggest downfalls. Once you’re in her circle, though, she’s loyal as hell. But getting there? That’s another story.
She’s always hated therapy. She told me that in the first month we were dating, when she opened up about her dad. I guess she had a therapist once who made her feel like shit. I went with it. I’d never done therapy myself, so I had nothing to compare it to. I just knew I wasn’t interested. And the way she talked about it made me dread it even more when I ended up in rehab.
But it got easier, and finding the right therapist matters. It has to be a good fit. I got lucky. Nina and Tobias were great, even though I was reluctant to open up at first. But now? I’m here for it. I’m all in.
Here for her. For me. For us.
I just hope Sophie can crack through the fortress she’s built. For some reason, Leo’s the only one who gets a pass, and even then, it doesn’t always last.
She finally speaks, her voice quiet, eyes on the rug in front of her. “I guess I don’t really know what I’m doing. I’m here, and I obviously want to make this work, but… I don’t know if I can really move forward until we deal with what happened. But I don’t want to deal with it because it feels like too much.” A smile ghosts her lips, but it’s gone in a heartbeat. “But I’m trying.”
Sophie’s voice stays soft and calm. “Okay. Thank you for your honesty. That’s a great start. Being here is a big step for you both. Just to be clear, Alley, when you say youdon’t want to deal with what happened because it feels like too much, are there specific moments that come to mind? Or a certain timeframe? Or do you mean your entire marriage to Jensen?”
Please don’t say the entire marriage.Jesus. I don’t know if I could handle that.
I glance at Al. She’s chewing on her bottom lip now.She’s so uncomfortable.She was a nervous wreck the entire drive here, jittery and wound tight, nervous energy ping-ponging in the car.
“I guess there are certain moments that come to mind.” Her eyes flick to mine, then drop to her hands, where she fidgets with her fingers in her lap.
“Are you comfortable sharing one of those moments?” Sophie asks gently.
“Not really.”
Jesus. It’s like trying to peel off wallpaper with your fingernails.
“Why not?”
Alley takes a deep breath, shoulders rising and falling with the exhale.
She picks at her fingernail, then, like she suddenly notices, covers her hand with the other and grips it tight. Her gaze locks on Sophie’s. “There’s a lot of reasons why.”
Sophie nods, encouraging her to continue.
“One, I don’t want to relive it. Two, I don’t want to make Jensen feel bad or cause him to regress. And three…”
She trails off. My eyes shift to her profile. Her cheeks flush, and her eyes fill with moisture. She’s trying so damn hard to keep it together.
“It’s okay. You can say it.” Sophie gestures toward me. “Jensen, you’re okay with Alley being honest here?”
I nod. “Yeah. For sure.”
“Alright. Alley, this is a safe space. You can say whatever you’re thinking or feeling.”
Alley nods, swallowing hard. “Okay.” Another pause. “It makes me really angry when I think about these things.Reallyangry. At Jensen. And there’s a part of me that hates him for everything he put me through. For making life so hard, when it just didn’t need to be.” She glances at me, eyes glassy. “For messing everything up.” Her voice cracks. “For destroying our trust.” She pauses to sniff. “But the thing that makes me the most mad…”
Her voice falters again, and I swear I can hear her heart pounding. My chest locks up, bracing myself for whatever she’s about to say.
“…is that he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even know how bad it was because he was so messed up. He doesn’t remember. He gets to move on and live life with no recollection of half the shit he did.”
Whoa. Ho-ly shit.I did not expect her to say anything in the realm of this, and at the same time it makes so much sense. Her reluctance to talk about anything. Her avoidance when I bring up the past. The way she hides her anger. It’s like anything that would make her mad gets shoved aside so she can put on a brave front. Best face forward. I appreciate her willingness and need to be positive, but it’s almost been hindering us.God, this is huge.
Sophie glances at me, then back to Alley. “So, what I’m hearing is that one of the hardest parts for you, Alley, is knowing Jensen doesn’t remember a lot of what happened. And that feels unfair.”
Alley nods, a soft“Yeah,” following.
