He exhales, swiping at his cheek. “Everything’s just so fragile. Life. People…” His voice is trembles. “Me.”
Shit.That hits me, hard. Scares me to death. But at the same time, all I want is to be here for him. To soothe his fears. I’ve carried so much anxiety for what feels like forever—most of it because of him—but these past few weeks, he’s been the one easing it. He’s been masking his own anxiety, putting on a strong front for me. And I’ve needed that.
But now I’m realizing… he’s not as cool and collected as he lets on. He’s stressed, too. Maybe even a little scared.
I’m not used to seeing him this way. Even when we were dating, Jensen always carried himself like nothing could touch him. Never showing weakness. Not to me. Not to anyone.
Now, he’s unraveling in front of me. Not in a chaotic way. Not in an addiction spiral. In a quiet, honest way.
It terrifies me, knowing he’s scared of failing, of relapsing, of losing me. But it’s this vulnerability that anchors me to him now. Because this humility is exactly what was missing before. It’s the absence of ego. He’s being real. Human. Fragile. Somehow, that makes me feel safer than I ever did when he was bulletproof. It lets me hold on. It lets me believe.
He’s not being perfect. He’s being brave.
I meet his gaze, and it feels like the first time I’m truly seeing him since rehab, deep, down to his core. The man I know, but don’t. The man he’s becoming.
I see the hurt. The pain. The fear of losing his friend, his sobriety… Me.
His eyes search mine, the deep blue in them calming me in a way words never could. They’re filled with sorrow, remorse, and the endless love he has for me.
I shift onto my elbow and lean down, grazing my lips over his. “Hey,” I say softly.
I want to tell him it’s going to be okay, but I don’t know if it will. I want to promise his friend will get better. Promise we’ll work out. But I can’t.
So I kiss him instead.
I let my feelings take over, because it’s the only way I know how to tell him what I feel without actually saying it. My hand slides through his hair as I press my lips firmer against his. They part, and he dives his tongue into my mouth. His arms wrap around me, inhaling like I just poured air into his lungs.
He pulls me even closer, possessing my mouth, running his hands along my body. Holding me like I’m his tether. His lifeline. And I want to be, because he feels like mine, too.
God, he has me coming undone.
I told him no sex tonight. I meant it. But now his hands are on my hips, his tongue’s in my mouth, and I can’t remember why I ever said that. I want him more than ever. I want his hands on me. His mouth consuming mine. And I want his cock buried deep inside me.
Right here. In our home. In our bed.
I want all of him.
He rolls me onto my back, mouth hovering over mine. He licks his lips. “You said you didn’t want this tonight.”
My gaze roams over his eyes, his face, his mouth. I nod, my voice barely a whisper. “I changed my mind.”
“You sure?” His hand skims over my stomach, fingers slipping just beneath the waistband of my shorts. The tease makes my body arch into his, and I gasp against his mouth.
Yes, I’m pretty damn sure.
I nod again, biting my bottom lip as my hand drifts over his abs and down to the firm length of him, rubbing firmly over his pants.
A low chuckle rumbles in his chest as his hand slides farther, knuckles grazing my underwear. His fingers stroke lightly over the thin fabric, teasing, fueling the craving that’s already consuming me.
He arches an eyebrow, a slow smirk forming as he pushes my underwear aside, his fingers gliding over the wet surface. He circles them against my clit, and I gasp, hips rolling into his hand.
His gaze locks on mine—somber, dark, but aching.
He’s never broken like this before. Never failed. Never doubted his worth. And now he’s struggling to believe hedeserves love and happiness, maybe even me… I need him to know that he does.
I’m too scared to say it out loud. But I can show him. In the way I kiss him. In the way I melt into his touch. The way I give myself over to him, chasing the high only he can give me. The way I let him in.
That’s how I tell him I love him.
