She chewed the inside of her cheek. “I’m sure it feels super confusing. I feel for you.” She sat back. “But you have to have this conversation with him.”
“I know I do,” I said, looking away. “Things are still so new, though. I mean, in a way, we’re still getting to know each other. It seems too soon.”
And I don’t want to lose him. Ican’tlose him.
“Olivia,” she said, “my brother iscrazyabout you. It’s definitely not too soon to bring it up.” She leaned in to take my hand. “If you’re as serious about him as he is about you, then you need to bring it up soon.”
“I’ve never been more serious, not even with Bill,” I promised her, and my heart squeezed. Kids? Already? Not weeks ago, I’d been having that same dreadful conversation with Bill. Didn’t I get some time to adjust, to justenjoywhat David and I were doing?
“You know, some women don’t feel maternal at your age,” she pointed out. “You might feel differently after you and David have been together a while.”
I might, yes. Or, I might never feel the desire to have children. And then what?
I nodded and forced a smile because I didn’t know what else to say. “You’re right. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
She opened her mouth and paused before speaking. “Raising a child is not easy, though. Don’t . . . don’t do it for the wrong reasons.”
I swallowed dryly. If it was a dealbreaker for David, I wasn’t sure I could make Jessa that promise.
“I won’t say anything to him,” Jessa continued. “But for your own peace of mind, you should talk to him soon. He’s planning his whole life around you. He needs to know if kids aren’t in the cards.”
My gut ached with the truth in her words. With Bill, I guessed that I would’ve eventually caved on having children, whether or not that was what I wanted. I’d thought I’d owed it to him, and I knew, in the end, how hard he would’ve pushed to get his way.
But David would never push me. If I told him the truth about how I felt . . . he’d never ask me to go through with it. So that left only two options: David’s sacrifice or mine.
Or the third option, of course. If neither of us was willing to give, then we’d have no choice but to go our separate ways.
24
Iwould’ve never thought spending a couple days without my boyfriend would be so hard. Even though Bill had traveled frequently for work, and at times might be gone for up to two weeks, I’d always managed fine. By Friday, missing David had made me frustrated, restless, and lonely. That was when I realized that not only was he my boyfriend and my exceptional love, but he’d also become my best friend.
Something had been weighing heavily on my mind, though, and I wanted to take care of it before I saw him next. He wouldn’t be happy about it, but I wanted to do it for him most of all.
On my way to the airport to catch my flight to Miami, I stopped by Bill’s office. Since I hadn’t made an appointment, I wasn’t sure he’d be there. But last year, he’d worked the day after Thanksgiving, so I took my chances.
I stopped in the doorway of his fancy leathery office. Our photo on the lake had disappeared from his desk, and he’d gelled his brown hair away from his face, a style I’d never seen him wear to work. “Hey.”
His head snapped up, but he didn’t look surprised. “Olivia.” He stood and straightened his tie. “What can I do for you?”
So formal after the way he’d humiliated me at my office. “A very friendly gentleman delivered divorce papers to me at work earlier this week.”
He nodded. “I’m aware.”
“You’re filing on grounds of adultery?” I asked. “I was hoping we could go about this differently.”
“Why?”
“That won’t affect how much you get in the divorce, and you might still have to pay alimony.”
“You’ve done your homework,” he said, tilting his head. “Or maybe you have a lawyer already?”
I took a couple steps into the office, keeping my handbag at my side. “All I can think is that your intent is to embarrass me with a trial.”
“It’s not.” He stuck his hands into his pockets. “My intent is to embarrass you both. David should be exposed for what he is.”
“Bill, look.” I went and sat in one of the cushy chairs in front of his big, wooden desk. “I’m not denying that what we did was awful, and that we’re in the wrong. But it doesn’t make sense for you to waste resources on this.” I appealed to his logical side as he’d once done with me when my emotions had taken over. “Trust me, David has no problem shelling out whatever he has to. You’re smart about money. Don’t burn it just to watch me suffer.”
“Well, shouldn’t I get something out of all this?” he asked, throwing up his arms. “Chicago has this guy on a goddamn pedestal. If I don’t get a trial, then I’m going to the press. He deserves to be outed as the homewrecker he is.”
