“To be clear: Jonas and I love and respect the guy,” Josh says. “Or else we wouldn’t even consider investing in his bar. But after what happened with Stu, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if I didn’t warn you about what I see as a potential red flag in the romance department. What you do with the information is totally up to you. You’re a big girl.”
I manage to stuff my emotions down deep enough to speak in a calm, clear voice that, hopefully, betrays nothing of the hurricane of emotion suddenly swirling inside me. “Thanks for the heads up,” I say. “I appreciate it. But, honestly, your warnings aren’t necessary because I have absolutely no intention of starting anything ‘in the romance department’ with Ryan Morgan.” I clear my throat. “None whatsoever.”
60
Tessa
Kat is breathtakingly beautiful as she floats down the sand on her father’s arm toward Josh, and it’s not because of the lovely way her simple white dress floats like a cloud over her baby bump or the way the large jewels dangling from her ears are glinting in the pre-sunset light. It’s because she’s the embodiment of pure joy and love itself.
I look at Josh, biting my lower lip, trying to keep tears from my eyes. He’s standing in the sand, mere yards from the glittering ocean, dressed in a sharp black-and-white tuxedo, an expression of unadulterated elation on his face. To his right stands his best man, Jonas, who, in turn, is standing next to Josh’s groomsmen, Henn, Reed, and Uncle William, all of them looking sharp in tuxedoes, all of them smiling broadly.
When Mr. Morgan and Kat reach Kat’s future husband, the proud father kisses his beloved daughter, guides her gently to Josh, and takes a seat next to his teary-eyed wife; and the officiant—a large Hawaiian guy in a white linen suit, sunglasses, and a lei—commences the ceremony.
The whole scene is utterly perfect. Touching. But I’d be lying if I said I was completely in the beautiful moment. In truth, I can’t stop thinking about Ryan, seated on the other side of the audience.
I knew exactly what I was getting into when I agreed to be Ryan’s secret fuck buddy this week, didn’t I? So why the hell do I feel so utterly rejected to find out he was obsessively fixated on some other woman the day he stepped foot on the resort grounds—mere moments before he screwed me so passionately in his room? Okay, yes, I realize the guy probably screws a different woman every week of his life, but I guess I’d convinced myself the way he screwedmehad brought out a whole new kind of passion in him.
Oh my God. I’m such a fool.What happens in Maui stays in Maui.It’s what I agreed to, right? In fact, it’s exactly what I wanted. Or so I thought.
“And now, Josh and Kat have prepared vows for each other,” the officiant prompts. “Kat?”
Kat takes a deep breath. “Josh,” she begins. “Joshua. You once asked me if I believe in fate—and I said, no, that I believe in kicking ass.”
Everyone in the audience chuckles, including me, despite the panging of my heart.
“But now I know I was wrong about that,” Kat continues. “You’re my fate, my love—mydestiny. I truly believe that every minute of my life up ’til now was engineered by a greater power to bring me to this moment—toyou—so that I could become your devoted wife.”
At Kat’s words, tears prick my eyes. I want to believe in fate, too.I want to become a devoted wife.
“Josh?” the officiant prompts.
Josh takes a deep breath and cups Kat’s gorgeous face in his palms, making every woman in the audience, including me, swoon. “My beloved Kat. Good God, you’re evil.”
Kat chuckles and everyone in the audience joins her.
“And not just evil,” Josh says. “Stubborn as hell, too. But you’re also hilarious. Compassionate. Honest.Passionate. Baby, you’re hell on wheels. And, most of all, you’re loving and kind and beautiful.And I love it all—every single thing about you.”
Okay, that’s too much: I can’t control myself anymore. A sob lurches from my throat and I cover my mouth to muffle it.I want a man who loves me, for exactly who I am! I don’t want a fuck buddy! I don’t want a fling! Why on earth did I think screwing Ryan all week long with no commitment or feelings involved was a good idea?
Josh continues his vows: “And, most of all, my beloved Kat,” he says, “I vow to you, right here and now, in front of God and all the people we love, which includes Keane, by the way, just to be clear—”
Laughter erupts from the Morgan area of the audience, and I steal a quick glance over there to find Ryan throwing his head back, laughing with Keane and Colby.
And that’s it: the final straw. I’m suddenly feeling so utterly heartbroken, I can barely stop myself from running out of the ceremony to the bathroom to sob in private. I didn’t expect Ryan to fall in love with me this week—and I certainly knew he’d been seeing and screwing other women before he got here, but now it’s clear Ryan’s pattern of veering sharply from one woman to the next isn’t a phase or a circumstance or a one-time thing—it’s simply who he is.
The sun is setting behind Josh and Kat, rendering the sky a tapestry of oranges, purples, and yellows over a sparkling ocean. This moment is sheer perfection in every way. So why the hell is it making me feel so sad?
“YOLO, Kat,” Josh says to Kat, his tone playful—and Kat smiles broadly in response. “Damn, I’m a lucky bastard that I get to live my one and only life with you.” He touches Kat’s chin. “I. Will. Always. Love. You. I promise to make every day of our life together better than any fantasy, baby.Forever.”
They kiss and the officiant pronounces them husband and wife—and, suddenly, amid all the clapping and cheering around me, I’m bone-certain about something: I’m not a weeklong-no-strings-fling-in-paradise-with-a-manwhore type of girl. I thought I’d be able to play fuck buddy and come out unscathed, but I was fooling myself. I want something real. I want what Josh and Kat have and I’m not going to settle for anything less. I don’t care how good the sex might be with Ryan—or if I never find sex that good again with another man; great sex simply isn’t enough for me to disrespect myself and disregard my core values. I want someone to make love to me, even if he happens to be fucking and spanking me on any given occasion. I want a man to love me, all of me, for better or worse, ’til death do us part, no matter how crazy and uptight and over-thinking and guarded I might sometimes be.And, by God, I’m not gonna settle for anything less.
61
Tessa
“When Josh asked me to be his best man,” Jonas says, holding a microphone in one hand and a flute of champagne in the other, “the first thing I thought was, ‘Oh, shit.’”
Everyone seated at tables in the reception room laughs.
