“I’m shocked.”
“You’reshocked? For the past six years, every time one of his friends has gotten engaged or married, Josh has sworn marriage isn’t in the cards for him. And now he’s like, ‘T-Rod, I’m gonna get Kat a rock so damned big, she’s gonna need a crane to carry it around!’”
“Well, hang on. Just ’cause he’s buying the girl a rock doesn’t mean he’s ready to commit to her for the rest of his damned life. Über-wealthy people get engaged all the time and never actually tie the knot. I’ve seen it a thousand times onTMZ. To a guy like Josh, buying The Hope Diamond for his girlfriend is the equivalent of a normal guy buying his girlfriend a twenty-dollar gift card to Claire’s.”
I burst out laughing. Thank God for Charlotte.
“Maybe he’s just feeling pressure to give Kat a ring to keep her parents from hurling an axe into his back?” Charlotte suggests. “You know, for knocking up their precious baby girl?”
“No, he’s not proposing to Kat because of the pregnancy—that’s what trust funds and support agreements are for. And he’s certainly had plenty of friends who’ve gone that route to show him how. Nope, The Playboy wants to ask The Party Girl to be his wife for no other reason than he’s madly in love with her.”
“Well, holy shit,” Charlotte says. “I guess their little vacay down south went well, huh?”
“Apparently.”
“Thanks to you,” she says. “Did they love all the arrangements you made for them in Buenos Aires?”
“Of course. I know Josh—and I know my city.”
Charlotte sighs. “I’m actually kind of sad about all this. What the heck will we talk about if not Josh’s string of horrible women?”
“Oh, I’m sure we’ll figure out a new topic of conversation.”
“Why are you being so mature about this? You’re allowed to be a little bit petty and immature—at least with me. Even though you like Kat and you’re genuinely happy for Josh—blah, blah, blah—you can still be a tiny bit bummed that your previously slim chances at bagging your boss are now officially zero.”
“Sweetie, I’ve never genuinely wanted to ‘bag my boss.’ I had a harmless crush on him for a while, that’s all. That’s what happens when averysheltered twenty-one-year-old starts working for an outrageously hot guy straight out of college who’s only a few years older than her. Six years later, I like to think I’ve matured and grown well beyond that stupid girl. At this point, I think of Josh more like a big brother than anything.”
“Mmm hmm—asmokin’ hotbig brother.”
“Okay, a stepbrother.”
We both giggle.
“Regardless, I would have had to be delusional to think my boss would ever make a move on his personal assistant. He’sJosh Faraday.”
“Babe, this isn’t an episode ofDownton Abbey.Just because Josh never made a move on his personal assistant doesn’t mean theideaof him doing it was ridiculous. Men lose their shit over you all the freaking time and you know it. You’re the Argentinian Angelina Jolie.”
I laugh. “That’s a huge stretch, babe—but, thank you. And, no, I don’t know men lose their shit over me ‘all the freaking time.’ Not at all.”
“That’s because you never go out these days, and, when you do, you’ve got your guard up. I mean, I get it—Stu really did a number on you and your confidence took a hit.” She pauses. “You know what you should do? Go out and find yourself some hottie and have yourself some no-strings, toe-curling sex with a stranger for the first time in your life. That ought to give you a little spring in your step if you’re feeling blue.”
“I haven’t had a lobotomy, Char—I’m not gonna have a one-night stand.”
Charlotte sighs. “Okay, fine. Don’t have sex with a stranger, just go out and flirt with one. Whenever I’m feeling kind of blue, you know what I do? I go to a bar in my uniform and flirt with hotties—and, lo and behold, my frown always turns upside-down. You’d be shocked how many men have whopping flight-attendant fantasies.” Charlotte gasps. “Hey, I just had a great idea. Why don’t you hop a flight down here to L.A. and come out with me and my work-friends tonight? I have an extra uniform you can wear. Hotties would swarm you.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m tempted. I’ve been missing you so much since the move, at this point, I’d probably agree to anything to see you. But, unfortunately, I’ve got a bunch of meetings tomorrow with vendors for Josh and Jonas’ grand opening party next week, so I can’t get away. Plus, thanks to Josh’s phone call a few minutes ago, it seems I’ve now got an elaborate marriage proposal to arrange.”
“Josh askedyouto arrange his proposal?”
“Just the logistics. He came up with The Big Idea on his own.”
“Lame.”
“Why? Arranging logistics for Josh’s big ideas is literally my job.”
“Honey, ‘executive personal assistant’ or not, no woman should ever be expected to help the man she loves propose to another woman.”
“Gah! Stop it, Char. I don’t ‘love’ Josh—or, at least, not like that. Yes, I used to have acrushon him way back when, and, yes, this past year when I was so devastated about Stu, Imaybefantasized about Josh once or twice while using my battery-operated-boyfriend—but it’s awfully hard for a girl to get too delusional about her chances with a boss who’s never so much as ogled her in six years.”
