“Libby left a key in a lockbox around back.” Justin opened the gate. “I’ll grabit.”
Opal entered through the fence, looked back at me, and sat in the middle of the walkway. My gaze moved from her to the white, chipped-paint façade. The house needed work, no question. Libby and I could hire that out, but I knew the place inside out. Nobody else would give it the care and attention to detail Iwould.
Was I up to thetask?
I finally had an updated résumé, and if I was honest, I was eager to use it. Things hadn’t been the same since Georgina had left, and although that was the point of her time atModern Man, my discontent ran deeper. I no longer trusted Vance, but I’d also been questioning whether I was getting what I needed from the job. The answer? I wasn’t. Not since Mom’s death. And since I’d begun to realize that the New York City playboy role no longer fit me. But was it too late? Was I already thatperson?
And if not, whodidI want tobe?
As I looked up at the house, I forced the other questions to the front of my mind that I’d been mulling overlately.
Where did I want tobe?
Who did I want to spend my dayswith?
Opal barked as Justin came back around to the front yard. He’d gotten me here. That was the hard part. The nearly impossible part, I worried, was going inside. But if I wanted any shot at starting over—with Georgina—I had no choice but to confront what layahead.
“Coming?” Justin asked, dangling the keys. He jiggled the lock before swinging the front dooropen.
Opal waited as I walked up the path, then trotted ahead and right into the house.Shewasn’t scared. Maybe, I thought as I entered, she even felt a welcoming presence there as she sniffed her way through the living room. The house was still, musty, and bone cold. I crossed my arms against the chill, my eyes roaming over hardwood floors that needed refinishing, pots without plants, and a staircase railing that looked dodgy atbest.
I’d been hit with so many memories over the last year, and I’d been here recently enough, that walking in didn’t feel strange or unnatural. Covered furniture remained. Libby wouldn’t sort through anything without me. It was the emptiness that struck me most of all. The only life in the room was Opal bounding between the kitchen, living room, andhallway.
“It’s okay if you need to cry,” Justin said. “Stays betweenus.”
A low laugh rumbled in my chest. “I’mgood.”
If I’d tried to do this last month, I wasn’t sure I could’ve handled it. But ever since Georgina had reopened the Boston wound—and not only poured salt in it but also questionedwhyit hurt so much—I’d been giving it a lot of thought. I’d been back on Google Earth and had even pushed myself to dust off a photo album of childhood pictures Mom had made of Libby and me a couple Christmases ago, before she’d told us about the cancer. It all stung, but in a way, the photos, memories, and four hours in the car to come to terms with where I was headed had all helped prepare my mental state forthis.
“It’s not in terrible shape,” Justin said, opening a closet of empty hangers. “I’ve watched a lot of HGTV, and you could probably knock out this renovation in no time at all. Maybe even do anaddition.”
I gave him a look. “First of all, if HGTV is your only reference point then you know basically nothing. Second, you’re such agirl.”
“Are you kidding?” he asked, shutting the door. He checked the wiring of the TV I’d installed a few years ago. “Women fucking love HGTV. I don’t watch it for the programming—it’s my best pick-up line. ‘Hey, did you see that last episode ofProperty Brotherswhen the couple asked for an open floorplan?’”
“Isn’t that every episode?” Iasked.
“Works like a charm.” He shrugged. “You’rewelcome.”
I walked through the white-tiled kitchen, Mom’s domain, although Libby was a good cook—I’d never be without first-classsalsa verde, that was for sure. I smiled a little as I opened a few oak cabinets. It would be nice to live closer to Libs and the kids. Not here, but in the city. Fix up the house on the weekendsmaybe.
I made my way around the backyard, upstairs to my old bedroom, and came to a stop outside themaster.
Justin followed but waited in the hallway. “We can get a hotel and come back tomorrow if it’s toomuch.”
I was here. I wanted to get it over with. The sooner I endured the house, the closer I’d be to answers. Could I come back here, and if so, would Georgina have me? It’d only been a few weeks, but I’d let her down by retreating when she’d turned up the heat. Maybe she’d already met someone new. With Bruno, in the park, no doubt she got her fair share ofattention.
I shoved the thought away and opened the door. Four white walls, a worn beige carpet, and a door leading to the bathroom. Everything else had likely either been sold or moved into storage. Had I known, I might’ve railed at Libby for cleaning out the space without me, but standing here now, I was grateful. She wouldn’t trash anything of value, and what remained was bearable in that moment. It looked like any other room instead of the one in which my mother had taken her lastbreath.
I inhaled deeply. I was here. I was facing it. Was this movingon?
My last conversation with Georgina hadn’t leftme.
“It’s more than that, Sebastian. It’s deeper. I know it’s scary, but you can’t heal until you faceit.”
Was Ihealed?
I returned to the hallway. Justin kept his distance, hanging onto Opal’scollar.
