“Nope. It wasn’t near to being the worst I’ve ever had. But it could have just been a moment, you know? And then all hell broke loose with my father and Coach Sharky, and they decided that Wrax was the problem.” My legs brushed against his, and I found myself staring at his mouth. His plump lips formed a straight line now, his eyes laced with concern.
“Is going to the Olympics still a dream of yours?”
No one had asked me that. Not in the last five years.
“I don’t actually know,” I said, my voice just above a whisper. “You know that my grandfather made the Olympic team, and it’s just been something my father’s ingrained in me since I was young. And I just don’t know if it’s my dream or his dream thatI’m chasing. I feel like I’ve accomplished so much, and I don’t know, sometimes I just wonder if there’s something more for me out there.”
“More as far as competing?”
“No. More as far as living.” I shrugged. “But I also don’t want to have regrets. I feel like I should just know, and I don’t feel strongly one way or the other, outside of knowing that the only way I want to compete is with Wrax. We’re a team, you know?”
I’d never experienced a crossroad like this in my career. I wondered if it was a phase, or the stress of Wrax being sold in the most deceitful way, or the mess my family was currently going through, or the fact that my brother had betrayed me.
A little gust of wind moved around us, and a few small waves glided through the water. My chest grazed his, just as my middle bumped against his groin.
“For God’s sake, Cowboy. Control your body.”
“I can’t help that I’m attracted to you, Wren,” he groaned.
I was painfully attracted to him. But we had a long way to go to repair our relationship, and the first time we’d crossed the line had ended in a disaster. I wasn’t looking for a repeat of that, especially the way he was still cautious around me.
The one good thing that I had going on right now was that I had Axel and Wrax back in my life.
I couldn’t hide the smile on my face. “I thought you were mad at me.”
“I am mad at you.” He raised a brow. “Doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to you, too.”
I rolled my eyes. “What are you mad at me for?”
“I’m mad at you for not coming to me when you know me better than anyone. But I’m mostly mad at you for leaving me.” There was zero hesitation in his voice.
“I’m mad at me for leaving you, too.”
“And you’re leaving me again,” he said, his gaze locked with mine. “Even when you aren’t sure what you want, you’re going to do it because it’s who you are.”
“My father may be on my shit list lately, but he’s supported my passion for many years, as well as providing the financial support to pursue my dream. And then I’ve got Coach Sharky, who’s put in a lot of time and energy to get me to where I am now, and I feel like I owe it to him.” I blew out a breath.
It was the truth. At the moment, they were my reasons for returning, and I wasn’t sure that was good enough.
“What about what you owe to yourself. To you and to Wrax? Is this what you two want?”
“Wrax and I are happiest when we’re just out in a field running through wildflowers and chasing butterflies.” I smiled, because it was true.
“You’ve always known what you wanted, so I’m sure it’s frustrating that you don’t know right now.”
“I think I’ll figure it out. At least I know what I want for every other aspect of my life,” I said, my voice more confident now.
“Tell me.”
“I want to take Wrax out and just get back to riding for the fun of it. I want to teach. I love working with Melody. Love the idea of empowering young riders and educating them about the sport, and at the same time encouraging them to love the process. Being outside in nature, bonding with a beautiful animal, feeling the wind blow in my hair…” I sighed. “Laughing and living, I guess.”
“That’s cowboy kind of stuff right there,” he said with a chuckle. “But I get it. It’s going back to what first made you fall in love with riding.”
“Yep. So I don’t know how long I’ll continue competing, but I’m going to see how things are when we get back to North Carolina. Hopefully I’ll figure out what I want, once we’re backthere and training again. Maybe I’ll realize I do miss it and I do love it.”
“I think that’s a good plan.” He nodded. “So tell me, Horse Girl, right now in this moment, what is it that you want?”
I stared into those beautiful green eyes that had always been my safe place.
