I’d never been more lost in my life than I was right now.
I truly didn’t know what I wanted anymore. My family was in such turmoil, and after what my father had done with Wrax, I didn’t feel like I owed him anything anymore.
It hit me that a lot of the choices I’d been making these last few years were because it was something I shared with my father.
The only thing we really shared anymore.
So maybe there was a bit of fear that if I didn’t continue down this path, we would have nothing left between us.
I pushed away the thought.
Opening up to people had always been difficult for me. Axel was the one person I’d always confided in. Our time apart had been so difficult for me, since I held everything in now. Especially all these conflicting feelings about my future. Aboutthe gray area I’d found myself in where I wondered if it was evenmydream that I was chasing anymore.
But I also wondered if I was feeling this way because of the stress I’d been under. I’d felt an enormous amount of pressure after winning the world championships, and then all the negative talk that came after my accident, followed by the betrayal of my father and my brother, and the implosion of my family.
“So, you really don’t have a man back at training camp in North Carolina?” Lulu wiggled her eyebrows, pulling me from my thoughts.
Henley swatted her in the arm. “Boundaries, Lu. No prying. She’ll share if she wants to.”
“I just told her about my epic hot tub sex with Rafe!” Lulu threw her hands in the air. “This is not prying—it’s called girlfriend banter.”
“I mean, you’re this hot horse girl,” Eloise said with a wide grin on her face. “There is no way you don’t have men fawning all over you.”
“And she was on the cover of several magazine covers after her big win.” Emilia paused, then added, “You looked gorgeous, by the way.”
“Thank you. I was on just as many magazine covers after my epic fall, so that wasn’t glamorous at all.” I chuckled, feeling my cheeks heat. “As far as dating, it’s actually been a while. I was seeing this guy that I train with and also compete against, Ryan, for a while. But it ended two and a half years ago, and I haven’t really met anyone else. I mean, I’ve gone on a few dates, but no one special.”
They all shared a look, and I raised an eyebrow, letting them know I’d noticed.
“Okay, I’m just going to mention the horse in the room,” Lulu said.
Henley’s head fell back in laughter. “Do you mean the elephant in the room?”
“Hello. It’s called being creative on the spot.” Lulu reached for her cocktail and winked at me. “She rides horses for a living, right? So I want to know if she’s ever ridden our favorite rancher. Come on. There’s something there between you and Axel. It’s impossible to miss.”
“I mean, I know you were best friends for years,” Emilia said as she refilled our drinks and then sat back down on the couch. “And then you didn’t speak for a long time, according to Bridger. But did you ever date?”
“Nope. We never dated.” It wasn’t a lie. We never did date. We never got that far, thanks to my brother.
“You never dated, but did you ever do the dirty deed?” Eloise asked over a fit of laughter. “Because you look like you’re keeping a secret right now.”
“Eloise is the observant one in the group, and she tends to write everything in a notebook,” Henley said with a laugh. “And I do agree. Every time we say his name, your cheeks blush.”
“Come on! You have definitely been to the boneyard, girl. It’s written all over your face,” Lulu said as she bellowed out in laughter.
“The ‘boneyard’?” Eloise gaped at her.
“Yes. And you all see it. You just don’t want to say anything. The way he looks at you—it’s very telling. And you, my friend, you look at him like you want to ride the boloney pony.” Lulu shrugged, and now it was my turn to fall back on the couch in a fit of hysterical laughter.
“That’s a new one.” I reached for my glass, avoiding eye contact.
“Oh. Ohhhhh. Is there a reason you aren’t looking at us?” Henley asked.
“Hell yeah, there is. She’s been knocking boots with Rosewood River’s favorite cowboy.” Lulu smirked when I looked up at her.
“It’s not like that.”
“You don’t have to tell us anything,” Emilia said, shooting them a warning look as if they’d pushed too far.
