“What do you remember?” He repeated his earlier question.
“Nothing.”
Julian nodded, some of his brown hair falling in his face. “Then let’s start at the beginning.”
I wanted to listen, but my eyes closed.
The next time I woke I was itchy. So itchy. I sat up, which also made me nauseous. Oh, shit I was going to puke. A bucket was placed quickly in front of me—which was good because I vomited. I hadn’t eaten in I didn’t know how long, but I had plenty of stomach bile and it was coming up.
Over and over. Finally, when it stopped, I grabbed my arms to rub them where they itched. A cool compress was placed on the back of my neck. “This sucks. I know. Hold on. Let me get the nurse.”
I stared at the speaker before I recognized the voice. It was Phoenix. He hit a button and then wiped my forehead. “Are you done? More?”
“Done.” I hoped. “I’m itching everywhere.”
He nodded, wincing as he did. “It just sucks. Maybe they can give you something.”
The nurse arrived. “Phoenix?”
“She’s throwing up, and she’s itchy.”
The nurse’s nod was slow. “I’ll let Dr. Trevor know.” As fast as she had arrived, she left. Everything felt off. Fast. Slow. Fast. Slow. Why wasn’t anything normal?
“Why am I itchy?” I rubbed my arms and then started to scratch them. Phoenix grabbed my hands.
“Don’t do that, Red. It’ll hurt you. Okay? It won’t help. You’re itchy because you’re coming off some class of drugs that are making you itchy. It’s part of the withdrawal.”
I took a deep breath and brought my head to my knees. This was my favorite place. My safe place. This position. No one could really hurt me when I was like this.
Phoenix patted my head. “This is going to end. I promise. It won’t last as long as it feels. One day it’ll just be a memory. Something you lived through, not something you are still living.”
I lifted my eyes to meet his gaze. It hurt, but I managed it for a second. “You look different.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that—Iwas the one who looked different. Probably unrecognizable.
“I’m clean.” He answered. “For about four months. Still new, but yes, I would guess I look different. That’s why I know how much this sucks.” He ran his hand over the back of my scalp. “I love you, and I have missed you so much.”
I put my head back on my knees and closed my eyes.
The next time I woke, the room was dark, the lights dimmed to match whatever was happening outside. The beeping was back.
“Alatheia.” It was Barrett. He walked over and sat down next to me, but he turned to speak to yet another nurse. “You have to stop that. She can’t possibly be expected to sleep through that beeping.”
“I’m changing it, Mr. Lent.” Her tone said what she felt about his comment. “The IVs beep when they need to be changed.”
He glared at her. “Then change it before it starts beeping.”
She shot him a look of death and then stared back at me. “Hi there. Can I get you anything?” This one was older, gray-haired with lines around her eyes.
“I wouldn’t know what to ask for.” I was thirsty again. “I could use a little water, maybe.”
Barrett jumped up. He poured the water, grabbed a straw, and came back quickly. “Here. Sip.” He didn’t try to hand it to me but held it, which I appreciated. The nurse left, and I sat back on the bed. My whole body ached. “Is pain medication one of the things I could ask for or is that not allowed? I don’t want to break any rules.”
Barrett set down the cup. “I’ll tell her you need some. There aren’t rules here.”
“There are rules everywhere. Even when we don’t think there are rules, there are rules. I don’t want to break them. I don’t want to get in trouble. I don’t want to go back there.”
He scooted out of the room and came back fast. “They’ll give you something. There is no world where you will go back there.”
“My family could send me back. They could. Or the place could come get me.”
