His room looked like mine. The maids had clearly been in that morning while we’d all been out. I never saw them, but the Lents didn’t clean. Two beds. His room was gray instead of beige and there was a picture of him on a skateboard in the corner, framed in gold plated wood. Who put that in here? I doubted it was Phoenix himself. Otherwise it was pretty copy paste to my room.
I kept my rubs light circles on his back. When he didn’t speak, I did again. “Being human?”
He laughed. “I am very human. The most human here. You’re less than a week rescued and you’re rubbing my back.”
“Well… I’m one session in and haven’t done anything but chit chat with Dr. Trevor because we’re establishing trust despite the fact that he knows me and I don’t know him, but maybe I have it easier thinking about someone else’s pain rather than my own?”
He lifted his head. “That’s a pretty big revelation for not having done any work yet.” His smile was huge. “You’re going to be better at therapy than me.”
“Are we competing?”
He lifted me up, which surprised me, so I squeaked. “No. I want you better than me. I want everything better in the world for you. I have some deep questions to ask you but not now. I want to nap. If I open that door, neither of us are going to get any sleep.” He grabbed his phone and set an alarm. “We should be up an hour before dinner or we’ll both be groggy at the table and even though I can acknowledge they mean well, I like to be sharp with my family around. The parents are a mine-trap for me.”
I kicked off my shoes and he did the same. He pulled off his pants and I did too, both of us now pantless. He stared at me for a second, tilting his head. Usually, I didn’t do that. He knew it and so did I. When he pulled off his shirt, I did as well. My heart raced but I was sure of it.
“How about a little more skin-to-skin for this nap?” I swallowed through the lump in my throat. “Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m in pain and kind of bleeding right now. I’m not suggesting we do anything different. Just do it with our skin touching each other. Or just sleep. Whatever.
He stared at me from where I was on the bed, and without speaking, covered us both in his heavy quilt. “I love that you want this. Come here. Closer. My chest against yours. I love your skin. Your pale, porcelain skin.”
“Have you missed all the freckles?”
He laughed. “Some day when you’re older I am going to have you naked, and you are going to let me count them.”
Ooh. That was… exciting. “Is that really what you’re going to want to do with me when you have me naked?”
“You like the idea.” He grinned; his eyes were blazing with interest. “It’ll be one of the things.” He wrapped an arm over me, the other under his head and I did the same to him. With our foreheads pressed together, we were practically breathing the same air. I loved it and I didn’t think I’d be able to close my eyes but when he did, I did.
He wasn’t asleep yet because he moved his arm to stroke my back with his index finger. I shivered. I let myself stroke his abs. A peek told me we both still had our eyes closed. He took deep breaths, and because I was so close to him, I could absolutely feel what it did to him right then. In seconds, he was hard.
Phoenix had told me once he liked to be, because it told him what someday would be. I had been shoved into a place where they were going to kill me. Did I really want to count on someday? What if they had done that to me and I’d never ever had this moment?
It was enough to make me crazy, like the idea of his brothers dying in his stead did for him. No, I didn’t want to think about that right now.
But I needed his consent. That meant I had to be brave. I opened my eyes. “Can I touch you?”
He lifted his own. “Unless I’m already dreaming or delirious, you already are.” His smile was slow. “And I fucking love it.”
“I know. I can feel that. I mean, can I touch you there? On your… dick?” I managed to get the word out. That was a win even if he said no. Alatheia successfully used the word dick and didn’t call it something weird to cover up. Win for Alatheia. Oh boy. I was thinking about myself in the third person.
He lifted his eyebrows. “Alatheia, you practically choked saying that. You don’t have to be obligated…”
I interrupted him. “Not obligated. More like… really interested. Yes, I know I’m ridiculous with the word. Unless you don’t want me to?”
He cleared his throat. “Oh, I want you to. I can’t reciprocate right now. That’s going to bother me.”
“Bother you so much you’re saying no?” I continued to stroke his chest.
“No. I’m not saying no. If you want to. As much or as little as you want or not at all. Feel free to stop anytime.”
I smiled. “You are so careful with me. I don’t break. At least not so far.”
Phoenix kissed me. “Frankly it’s shocking to me you want me at all after what happened. But, you seem to have held no anger for me. I love you. Yes, please, touch me, Red, as much as you want. I may come in your hand really quickly.”
Well… that would really be something. What would that be like? I tugged at his boxer briefs, and he ended up helping me get them down. There he was. Hard, big, thick, and obviously very aware of me. I’d felt erections a lot now when they bumped into me but never actually seen a penis before. It was sort of… beautiful.
An actual physical response to show me how much he desired me.
I took him in my hand, starting at the bottom, and he hissed in his breath. Phoenix seemed to shake for a second before he kissed me hard, his hands coming around my back to hold onto me tightly. I kissed him back but concentrated on running my hand over his skin, finally getting to the top.
