I just didn’t know.
I quickly made my way inside to find that Julian was in the kitchen making a grilled cheese. He looked over his shoulder at me. “You caught me. I was going to surprise you with this.”
“Thank you.” I was hungry. I absolutely was. Also nauseous. Maybe the food would help. “I need to make calls, and I don’t have a phone.”
Jer scooted in next to me, appearing from the other room. “Here. Use mine. We’ll go later or tomorrow and get you one. Not the same number. I want it to be kept away from your family. In fact, I think I’m going to get it for you under my mom’s name. Like it’s her second phone.”
I chewed on my bottom lip. “Will that be a problem?”
“No,” he answered me as Jules set the grilled cheese down in front of me.
He kissed my cheek. “Chew and call.”
These were going to be the weirdest calls of my life. I took a deep breath. I had to tell my friends their families wanted them dead. Maybe it wouldn’t be surprising; we’d all felt like that place was a waiting room for hell. I looked down at the paper that Phoenix had left me. It had the numbers.
I dialed Betsy’s number first. It rang and a man picked up on the other end. It hadn’t occurred to me that it wouldn’t be the girls themselves. Of course it should have. None of us had cell phones anymore. This was her father’s number.
“Hi, I’m hoping you can put me in contact with Betsy. Please.”
There was a silent pause. “No.” He hung up.
I stared at the twins as Barrett walked into the room. “He wouldn’t let me talk to her. I don’t know if she’s alive or dead.”
Barrett leaned against the counter. “Try the next one.”
Okay. That was Sally. I dialed. This time it went straight to voicemail. I left one. “Hi, this is Alatheia, I’m looking for Sally. If she is there, could you give her this number and ask her to call me back? Thanks.”
The food had helped. Thankfully, I didn’t feel like I was going to puke. Hopefully that had just passed.
I hoped I sounded chipper. I tried three more times and was hung up on once and had to leave voicemails with the others.
I sat back. “I thought I would get through.”
“We need Kit on this. Like maybe he could let the authorities know.” Barrett gave me a small smile.
“He did.” Jeremy took the phone back from me. “First thing this morning. I’ll tell Kit that we need your friends contacted, too. Maybe we can get them your phone number once you have one tomorrow.” Jeremy cupped my cheek. “I’m sorry, Princess.”
I did love it when he called me that, and I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’m so tired. Just bone achingly tired.”
“Need a nap.” Phoenix came into the room. “Sorry about that. Sam needed a second.”
Julian frowned. “Such a good guy. He does seem to need more seconds than you do.”
Phoenix sighed. “Who knows where I’ll be a month from now and he doesn’t have my whys.” He walked over and took my hand, drawing me from Jeremy. “Take a nap with me. You haven’t even been back a week. Hold on, what’s going on?”
Julian quickly filled him in before he continued. “At some point Eric will want you to work for him.”
“I know but not yet. Whenever that is, I’ll do whatever he wants.” He paused. “Hey, guys, I… I realized something in therapy today. And I wanted to tell you so since we’re all here minus the parents whose opinion on this I don’t want. I’ll just get right to it.” I felt him steady himself. “I’m glad it was me who was taken and not you. Let me finish,” Phoenix said, quickly anticipating that they would all open their mouths, which they did. “First off, I still don’t remember what happened. The magic bullet of sobriety didn’t turn me around and make it all suddenly clear. I wish that it did. But it didn’t. All I know is that River and Walt died and I didn’t. Truth? I barely remember them. Like they have faded away too. But, I know they were real people who died and it haunts me. Why did I live? Also don’t know. But I know that I did and I don’t know if you would have. How can I know? If there was any possibility of you dying, it would kill me because you’re my brothers. Also, I like who you are. I can’t fathom you being different because you went through what I did. Even if you sometimes drive me crazy. Okay? You don’t need to feel guilty, I feel grateful.”
There was silence at his statement. It was finally Jeremy who spoke, it was barely a whisper. “Fuck, Phoenix.”
“I know. It’s big stuff. I think it’s why I keep falling asleep. But, yeah, that’s how I feel so please, if you’re walking aroundharboring some idea that it should have been you and not me, don’t.” He ran a hand through his hair. “That’s it. Come on, Alatheia.”
Come on? I stared at his brothers as I left the room with Phoenix. They were stunned. Absolutely stunned silent. He had really dropped a bomb on them with his feelings. When we would have turned to my room, he went instead to his. I hadn’t seen it yet. He closed the door behind and then the bathroom door that he shared with Julian.
“Little more private for me to breathe. I don’t want them coming in to talk about anything right now. Later.” He put his hands on his knees. “I didn’t expect it to hit me so hard to tell them. Sorry.”
I walked over and rubbed his back. “What are you sorry for?”
