Letting him go would be the unselfish thing.
But I’ve never been unselfish.
I was raised as an only child. I was spoiled, indulged, and used to having everything.
I don’t know how not to hold on too tight.
I wish Joseph and Danny were here. They always knew how to calm the chaos in my mind. They’d help me find the light in this darkness. Maybe they could guide me back to something that feelsnormal?Help me take back control of the emotions that are swallowing me whole.
Because that’s what this is.
A tidal wave of emotion—raging, unpredictable, and constantly crashing when I least expect it.
It’s not just breaking me, but it’s breaking Colt, too.
And he doesn’t say it, but I see it. The way he’s holding it all in. The way he’s pretending like he’s not hurting just as much as I am. He’s a man who thrives on control. He dominates every room, every situation, every moment…
… except this one.
And I know that must be tearing him apart.
In the past, he turned to drugs to numb the pain.
I pray—God, I pray—he’s not thinking about going down that road again.
That when we get back to London and life quiets down, he won’t go searching for a way to escape.
Whether it’s cocaine…
Or worse.
Jessi.
Chapter Seven
DEE
Colt is still curled behind me in bed, his body warm and steady against mine. We haven’t moved for hours. The tears have stopped, but my emotions are a tangled mess—spinning, colliding, and driving me to the peak of exhaustion.
I can’t stop thinking about Anna.
I feel terrible for how I treated her.
It’s not her fault I can’t have kids, for God’s sake. She didn’t plan to be pregnant when my world fell apart.
So why am I so angry at her?It makesnosense.
Maybe it’s because every time I see her, I’m reminded of what I’ve lost—the swell of her belly, the glow in her eyes, all the things I’ll never have.
Jealousy isn’t who I am, but it’s clawing at me anyway, twisting something ugly inside.
I exhale, trying to let go of the guilt and shift in Colt’s arms. He adjusts easily, like he’s been waiting for me to move. His eyes find mine, warm and watchful, reading me in that way only he can.
He leans in and kisses the tip of my nose.
It makes me smile, just a little, and I feel his arms tighten around me like he’s silently sayingI’ve got you.
I shift again, wincing at the awkward, clunky cast on my leg. The damn thing is driving me insane. Sleeping with it, moving with it, everything about it is so frustrating.
