But I don’t move. I don’t lift my arms. I don’t sink into him.
Because the harder I hold on, the harder this goodbye will be.
“Jesus, baby…” he whispers, brushing frantic kisses over my hair. “I’ve been so fucking worried.”
I close my eyes, letting his scent calm me even as my throat tightens.
“I didn’t know, Dee. Not about Caleb. Not that Macy was coming here. I haven’t seen her since she left me. You have to believe me, I didn’t know,” he says, gripping me like he’s afraid I’ll slip through his fingers.
I open my mouth and speak softly. “If you knew… back then. If you’d known that Macy was pregnant, would you have tried harder to stay?”
He jerks back, blinking at me. “What?”
I lift my eyes, but not to his. I can’t look him in the face. “Would you have stayed with her if you’d known she was carrying your child?”
He hesitates. “Dee, that was so long ago. It doesn’t matter now—”
“It matters to me.” My voice rises, sharp and cut with pain. “It’s a simple question, Colt.”
He rubs the back of his neck. His jaw flexes. Then, finally, he nods. “Yes.”
The breath I was holding escapes, slow and shaky. My chest cracks open.
I don’t react.
I don’t sob or scream.
I just… go still.
Colt takes my hands, his thumbs rubbing over the backs of them. “It was another life, baby. Before you. Before us.”
I swallow hard. “Do you still love her?”
“What?” He recoils. “No! God, Dee. No.I love you.I belong withyou. Don’t do this, don’t go there. I’m here for better or worse, remember?” He gently takes my chin, trying to lift my face, but I shut my eyes.
“Open your eyes, baby.Please. I’m your husband. I’m still the man you married. That hasn’t changed.”
My eyes stay shut as I shake my head. “Everything’s changed, Colt.”
He groans softly and pulls me into his chest again, holding me so tight I can barely breathe. “Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.”
“I don’t know what you expect me to do. You have a family now. I’m… in the way.”
His breath leaves his nose in a sharp, frustrated rush. “Don’t say that bullshit,” he snaps, voice low. “Youare my family. Please don’t go down that road where you push me away because you think I deserve something else, because I don’t. I wantyou. I needyou.”
I stare ahead, eyes empty. “You, me… andyourkid, huh?”
He flinches. “Don’t do that. Please don’t say it like that. You think I like this? That I don’t die a little every time I see what it’s doing to you? I never wanted a family with anyone but you.” He steps back slightly, hands still on me. His face is a battlefield of anguish, fury, and desperation, all vying for attention. “I never wanted Macy back in my life. But Caleb…” He swallows hard. “He’s mine. I’ve missed seven years of his life, and I need to make up for that. I’mnotgoing to abandon him, Dee. But that doesn’t mean I’m leaving you.”
My throat burns, and my voice barely comes out. “Is that why you were talking to Frank? Paying for his affection?”
His face twists. “No. Jesus, Dee.” He steps back fully now, frowning like I just punched him in the gut. “I’m setting them up so they can survive. I don’t want Macy and Caleb sleeping in acar when I’ve got the means to help. But I’m not buying his love. I want to earn that by being a damn good father.”
The wordfatherslices right through me.
I lower my head and squeeze my eyes shut.
I already know how this story ends.
