The doctor pats my back as I try to pull myself together.
There will never be miniature versions of us running around.
A mixture of both of us to love, cherish, and help grow.
That won’teverhappen for us!
“Colt, when we took out her ovaries, we found some mature eggs, and we froze them,” he announces.
I stand up straight and look at him, confused.
“Basically, it means that if you can find a surrogate, someone who we can implant Dee’s egg, we can fertilize the egg with your sperm, and they can carry a baby to full term. So there is still a small chance you can both have your own children. We found three eggs. Now, I’m not going to lie, they may not take, but still, three chances are better than none.”
If push came to shove and Dee and I wanted a baby, I’m sure we could find a surrogate even if I have to pay someone to do it. Because I know the one thing Dee always wanted in our future was babies. Especially after seeing Anna pregnant. I don’t know how Dee will take this news. Not being able to have our child grow inside her is a massive issue.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell her.
I exhale loudly.
“I know it’s a lot to take in right now, but you have options. I’ll get Shannon to bring you all the forms and leaflets on embryo transfer and surrogacy, as well as some forms on adoption and fostering.”
My head is spinning.
All these different options.
Scenarios.
Except for the one I really want—Dee carrying our child.
I wanted to spoil her rotten while she waddles around barefoot and pregnant. I wanted to be able to feel our baby kick inside her, and I wanted to be there while she was screaming about how much she hated me while giving birth. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we can’t always have what we want, and as much as this news is killing me right now, I know Dee is going to take this even harder than I am, so I will need to be there for her.
“Thanks, Doc,” is all I can think to say.
“Look, I know you’re having a tough time, and I’m sure this has only made it harder, but if you want to be able to take care of Dee, you need to take care of yourself first. Have some time to yourself each day, even if you go for a walk down the corridor and back. You need time to let your head sort itself out. The family of a patient who’s had injuries and been in an induced coma, like Dee, will always struggle. If there’s one thing you can take from all this, it’s that she’s going to make a full recovery physically. Mentally, however, she may need help. I would even suggest going to counseling when we finally tell her about her hysterectomy. Women take these things really hard, and you will need to be strong to help her build strength. So while you can… rest, eat, and shower and do all the things you can to look after yourself, Colt, because without you, Dee will struggle to come to terms with it.”
I don’t reply, I simply nod and then look over at her, lying so still asleep in bed, not knowing that her world is going to be turned on its head when she finally wakes up properly.
He spins and walks off, leaving me to head back inside and sit beside Dee, holding her hand once more.
Damn. I can’t help the tears that silently fall.
I’ve never cried much in my life, but it seems like it’s all I do at this fucking hospital.
She’s dreaming again because I see her eyes moving under her eyelids. I wipe my tears and take a deep breath, preparing myself for another episode of delirium.
Chapter Four
Dee has been in the hospital for just over four weeks. The episodes of delirium have lessened, and glimpses of her true self are returning—something I’m profoundly grateful for.
I’ve informed Mum, Hux, and the Normans about Dee’s hysterectomy. Their devastation mirrors my own. The more I dwell on it, the angrier I feel for letting go of her hand. I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself.
She’s here because ofme.
Now, Dee can eat independently and, with assistance and crutches, manage trips to the bathroom. Her memory is improving because she recalls the things we tell her.
It’s almost time to tell her the full extent of what’s happened.
She knows about the accident—the van, the severe abdominal injuries, and her broken leg. She understands she was in an induced coma and senses that I’m withholding something.
