Me—frustrated.
Him—disapproving.
And eventually, me hanging up.
The problem?
My being here is something we will never see eye to eye on.
A part of me knows I should feel guilty about walking away from the life I was supposed to have, but I don’t. Because for the first time, my eyes are open to all the possibilities that life has to offer.
It’s been three months since I agreed to go on tour with Colt, and every day, my feelings for him grow stronger. I know I sound like a broken record, but not being official with him still stings. Everyone knows we’re together, but somehow, it’s not enough for me.
Maybe it’s how I was raised—you meet, you date, you’re in a relationship, you get engaged, you marry. Simple. Predictable. Secure. But life outside my father’s expectations isn’t so black-and-white. Things are looser, more undefined, and I need to learn to be okay with that.
Lying on the bed, I let out a long exhale, staring up at the plain white ceiling, debating whether to call Joseph for an update onPrincess Sophia. But before I can even reach for my phone, the door to the suite swings open and Colt walks in, wearing a huge grin.
“You’ll never guess what Rob got for us?” he says loudly and rushed like he’s excited. I sit up and raise my eyebrows as he sits next to me. “An interview withRolling Stonemagazine. Can you believe it?” He takes my hands in his and squeezes tightly.
Even though I am excited for him, I can’t bring myself to show it.
I’m too tired.
And, for some reason, too gloomy to care.
I smile because that’s about all I can do right now. “That’s great news, babe.”
Colt looks at me, creasing his brows. “What’s wrong?” He reaches up and brushes my cheek with his finger.
I sigh and lie back on the bed. “I think I’m homesick. I miss my dog and my bed, and I’m so sick of living out of a suitcase.”
He swallows hard, and I know that look before he even speaks. “Do you want to go back to London?” His voice is reserved, and he lowers his head.
I rest my forearm over my eyes. “I do. But I don’t want to leave yo—”
“Dee, I don’t want you here if you’re unhappy,” he interrupts.
I move my arm from my face and look up at him. He weaves slightly while clearing his throat, and the excited glimmer in his eyes from before has faded.
“Colt, I want to be wherever you are. I’m sorry. It’s just a bit of homesickness. I’ll be fine. I promise. I’m happy here with you. Nothing makes me more content than watching you on stage, rocking out like the rock god you were born to be.”
He pauses and exhales. “Are you sure? Because I don’t want you to be unhappy, Dee. I know I’ve been caught up with Rob and the guys, sorting out all this new stuff for the band, but it’llget better. I’ve been so wrapped up in everything that I haven’t stopped to think about how it might be affecting you.” He hesitates, then takes a breath. “You want to go home, don’t you?”
His question makes my eyes scrunch tight, my forehead crinkling.
“I’m just feeling a bit down tonight. You’ve been busy with band stuff, and I get it… it’s important, and I would never ask you to change that. But I miss you.” I let out a heavy sigh, knowing I sound like a broken record, but I can’t stop the words from spilling out. “You won’t commit to me, and I’m starting to feel like maybe I don’t belong here. I don’t…” Another sigh, this one shakier. “I don’t know. Colt, do you even want me here?”
He flares his nostrils. “Of course, I want you here, Dee. You’re my inspiration, my muse. I love… I love having you around.” He hesitates, looking away. “But I don’t want you to stay if you don’t want to be here. And from what I’m hearing, you most certainly don’t.”
“Look, let’s not make any rash decisions. Let’s sleep on it and see how we feel in the morning. Like I said, it’s probably just homesickness,” I say, trying to ease the tension.
Colt drops his chin to his chest and exhales loudly before standing. He tugs his jeans down, undressing in silence, then slides into bed without another word.
Guilt sinks into my chest. I feel horrible for hurting him.
But the truth is—I’m not happy right now.
This new normal is harder to adjust to than I expected. I’ve left so much behind.
