Instantly, I am calm.
My breathing slows ashehums, edging me closer and closer to sleep.
And when I open my eyes, I rememberhewas on the phone, and I must have fallen asleep.
That was the best night’s sleep I’ve had for a long time.
Lifting my head, I grab my cell, and the screen is blank. I quickly press the button to activate the screen and swipe it open, buthe’sno longer there. A wave of disappointment crashes into me—I don’t know why I’m so upset.He’salways gone before I wake. I guess this time, I thoughthemight still be there.
I go to put the phone down, and it buzzes with a text message.
Fromhim.
Colt:Dee, baby, I hope you slept as well as I did. I’m grateful you picked up last night. I hung up when I knew you were asleep, but I thought I’d send you this message so you know I haven’t left you. I have to do an interview, but I’ll call you again tonight. Same time. <3
I don’t reply.
I don’t know what to say.
To knowhehasn’t been with Jessi sincehemet me does make me feel better. But I toldhimI couldn’t be with someone who uses drugs, and I sawhim. I sawhiminhale that shit off a nakedslut, and that’s the image I can’t escape—no matter how hard I try.
I put my cell on the nightstand and get out of bed.
I’m conflicted.
Do I lovehim? Yes!
But I don’t know if he’s still using.
And I can’t bring myself to talk tohim. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
I don’t know.
I don’t know anything anymore.
Walking into the ensuite, I take a shower.
Joseph and Danny have returned to work, but they call alternately nearly every hour to check on me. Daddy keeps calling, and I’m sure he’s been over a couple of times, but Joseph won’t let him in.
Thank God!Because I can’t deal with him and his one thousand and one questions. I know Daddy’s worried about me, but I need to heal before I get loaded with the many ‘I told you so’and ‘Aren’t you glad you found out now’bullshit.
After I get out of the shower, I towel dry. As I look at myself in the mirror, the girl staring back is fading, and Deliah Norman is reappearing.
I exhale, get dressed, and walk downstairs to check what masterpiece Joseph has left me this morning. I have no idea why I never picked up that he was gay.
There were so many signs.
Joseph never wanted sex. He loves to cook and is terrific at it. His hair always looks a thousand times better than mine. Not to mention his dress sense. I mean, what straight man wears sweaters on their back and tied around their neck? Not that I am stereotyping or anything.
Shit! Maybe I am!
As usual, he’s left me a plate of croissants and fruit cut up into tiny pieces. I smile and pick up the plate. There’s a Post-it note stuck to the counter underneath it.
There’s yogurt in the fridge
to go with your fruit.
