God, it’s so good to hearhisvoice.
“Okay, I know you’re there. I can hear you breathing. And if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. As long as I hear you breathing, that’s enough for me, baby. God, I miss you, Dee. I know I was a complete bloody arse, but Ineed… desperatelyneedyou to know that I didn’t sleep with Jessi, not during or after you. I swear,”heassures.
My breath catches, and I inhale sharply as pain surges through me.
Is it pain?
Or a wave of pleasure?
I have no damn idea.
All I know is thathesounds sincere, and I know how much the paparazzi bend the truth to suit their end. To glean a reaction. They played me like a damn fiddle.
“Jessi isnothaving my kid like the papers are saying, baby. She’s not even pregnant. And if she is, it ain’t mine. I never slept with her, Dee. That night… what you walked in on… I’m sorry. I was so fucking drunk and high that I didn’t do anything to stopher. I know that’s not any excuse, and I’m not trying to find one. I just… I was wasted. In my defense, I thought you’d left me, and I couldn’t deal with it. I’m not dealing with it now. You were so angry when you left for your father, and you never said whether you were coming back. I took it as a ‘no’ when I should have known better,”hesays, then pauses.
Tears flow freely down my cheeks as I listen tohim,trying to gain some composure.
“Baby, I miss you. I need you so much. I still get a suite separate from the penthouse wherever we go, just in case you come back to me. I’m so glad you answered, Dee. Even to hear your breathing…”hebreathes heavily like a sigh, “… it’s enough to keep me going. I wish I weren’t such an idiot. I wish Macy hadn’t fucked me up and made me into this jackass I am now. I wish I could tell you thosethree little wordsthat mean so much. I know how fucking, fucked it is that I can’t say them. But I do feel it… so much, Dee. I’m a shell of a man without you.”
I can’t hold back a slight sob that escapes. I raise my hand to cover my mouth, but it’s too late,heheard.
“Oh, Dee, baby, don’t cry. Please don’t. I never want to hear you upset. I’m such a dick.Fuck. You finally answer your phone, and I’m totally fucking this up. Baby, I…”Hegoes quiet for a second or two, and I wonder ifheis still there, but then I hearhimexhale. “Can I just lie here listening to you for a while? If you don’t hang up, I know it’s a yes,”hesays.
I can’t bring myself to hang up.
I wanthimon the end of the line for as long as possible.
“Okay, you haven’t hung up. That’s good. I hope you’re okay. The pictures I saw of you… they killed me, Dee. You need to eat. I know you’re back home with Joseph. Hell, you might even be back with him, but the fact you answered gives me a tiny glimmer of hope, and I’ll take anything I can get, baby,”hecontinues.
I open my mouth.
I try to talk.
But no words will come out.
So I sigh.
“I miss you. I know I’ve said that already, but I do. I don’t know how I even existed before you. And now you’re gone, I’m not existing. I’m breathing. I’m eating. I play concerts. But all I think about isyou. I can’t sing your song anymore. I don’t know if you know, but we’ve pulled it from our lineup. Dingo and Rob weren’t happy when I refused to sing it anymore…”
Hepauses, then continues, “One night in Greece, they tried to trick me into singing it. The guys started playing, expecting me to sing, but I got so fucking angry I walked off stage and left the concert venue. The show was done. The fans only missed two or three songs, but it got to me bad, Dee. Why would they do that when they know what this separation has done to me?”Hebreathes heavily, and I can only imagine how that affectedhim—typicalassholes.
“They haven’t made me sing it since. There’s only one person I want to sing that song to, and she’s on the other end of this line.”
I wipe a tear from my cheek and can’t help the smile that appears on my face.
“Until the end of time, Dee. ‘I will wait for you until the end of time,’”hesings.
I gasp at the sound ofhisamazing singing voice. I can’t believe the effecthisvoice has on me. Willalwayshave on me.
“Can I call you again? Same time tomorrow? If you don’t hang up, I know it’s okay,”hesays, and again, I can’t bring myself to hang up.
He releases a long exhale. “Thank God! I don’t want you to hang up, but I’m not ready to hang up even now. Can I stay on the phone until I hear you fall asleep…”hepauses, and it sounds like he’s holdinghisbreath.
I don’t hang up and bite my bottom lip.
“Good! Okay! So I’m getting into bed now, and I’m going to stop talking so I can hear you breathing, and I won’t hang up until I think you’re asleep. Goodnight, baby,”hesays. Then there’s some rustling followed by nothing except for the sounds of our breathing.
Rolling to my side, I put my cell under my ear on the pillow so I don’t have to hold it. I close my eyes, and Colt slowly starts to hum to me likeheused to, to help me sleep.
