The band is back on theLoaded and Live World Tour, and we’ve been riding the high of their latest single, skyrocketing to number one on release day and staying there for the past month.
With this leg of the tour, I knew what to expect, so settling into the rhythm of living out of a suitcase has been easier this time around. Thankfully, Colt insists we have our own private suite away from the chaos.
Hux and Jared have gone right back to their hard-partying ways, turning the penthouse suite into an after-show circus every night. And, of course, Jared and Jessi are still major pains in my ass. Jessi lingers like a bad smell, and Jared? Well, he hasn’t given up on his relentless, unwelcome flirting. I miss when it was just the band and their partners before the extra drama tagged along.
The Slayettes are back, too, and while I can’t say I’m thrilled, Idokind of like Kira. She’s nice, even if shehasslept with my boyfriend. That thought alone makes my stomach twist, and any chance of real friendship is unlikely.
This leg of the tour is more intense than the first. Rob has the guys working overtime with multiple interviews in every country we hit, plus writing sessions for the new album they’ll record once the tour wraps in six months. While they’re caught up in band business, Anna and I have claimed our own little slice of tour life—gossiping, shopping, and killing time while our rock gods do their thing.
After a great catch-up, it’s getting late, and I am starting to fall asleep. “Hey, I’m gonna head to bed.”
She nods, blowing me a kiss goodnight as I walk out and head to our suite.
“And… I’m alone again,” I mutter to no one, flopping onto the mattress.
I could have stayed in the penthouse with Anna, but I miss Colt.Reallymiss him. It’s not like I don’t see him, I do. Every day, and every night, I fall asleep in his arms. But it’s different now. When we were on break in England, we spent every second together. Now, I feel like I’m watching him slip further away with every passing day.
It’s only been a month on tour, yet every time Rob steals a moment we’ve set aside for us, booking another damn interview or another last-minute event, I feel that ache again.
If I thought Colt was famous when I met him, that was nothing. His stardom has exploded into the stratosphere. Offers flood in—duets, movie scripts, and television cameos in the US and UK. He’s even been asked to hostSaturday Night Live, without the band. He’s nervous, but I know he’ll nail it. His future is blindingly bright. And I have to suck it up and get used to it.
Everyone wants a piece of Colt right now.
And my constant fear?What happens when it’s too much?
Something will give. I just don’t know what.
After a long, hot shower, I slip into my comfy Peter Alexander silk white-and-pink striped pajamas, but my mood continues its slow descent. Every hour that passes, I sink deeper into disappointment, waiting for Colt to come back.
Glancing at the clock…1:07 a.m.
I exhale heavily and crawl into bed, pulling the covers tight around me.Where is he?He’s usually back by now.
Laughter and music echo from the penthouse, the party still in full swing. For a second, I consider getting dressed and heading over. But the thought of standing there, pretending I’m fine when I’m not, makes my stomach churn. Instead, I curldeeper under the blankets, turning on the television just for the distraction.
Exhaustion creeps in, but the thoughts won’t stop.
I know I’m being irrational. If I weren’t so tired, so lonely, I’d see how ridiculous I’m being. But right now, the only thought looping in my head is…
Colt obviously wants to be anywhere but with me.
And with that absurd, crushing thought, I cry myself to sleep.
One Month Later
My eyes flick open, and instantly, I know he’s not with me. At some time during the night, I felt Colt curl around me, pulling me close, but now my body feels numb because he is gone, and I am so attuned to his presence.
I exhale.
How did it get like this?
As a whole, I’m happy for the guys, but we are two months into this leg of the tour, and it is so different from the first half.
Colt leaves for interviews before I even wake, slipping out without a goodbye—he says he doesn’t have the heart to wake me when I look so peaceful. But by the time he finally crawls into bed in the middle of the night, I’m already lost in restless sleep, barely aware of his presence.
They’re working themselves to exhaustion, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this. Even Anna seems fed up, and she’s usually the most easygoing of us all. The workload is relentless, wearing everyone thin.
Sia is the lucky one. As the band’s manager, she’s with them constantly. While the rest of us wait in the background, watching our relationships strain under the pressure, hers remains untouched.
