“How’s that?”
“How’s what? How are you a coward?” she spat. “You’re scared, andyou’re running away. I don’t know why, but this is all an act. Do you think I really don’t know you?” she yelled. “Do you think I’m so fucking stupid that I would make up a fairytale in my head about us and talk myself into believing it was all real?”
“Apparently, that’s exactly what you did.”
And I loved her for it.
“Whatever has you running, you need to stop and think about whether or not this is really what you want, because when I walk away, it’ll be for good. There’s no turning back.”
She sucked in a ragged breath that I knew she didn’t want me to see. But she stood tall, refusing to back down as I stared at her with annoyance.
“Are those threats supposed to scare me?” I hissed.
They fucking petrified me. She would never forgive me. I could still salvage this. I could tell her everything and keep her, even if only at a distance.
But as I studied her beautiful face and watched as the breeze blew strands of her blonde hair over her shoulder and into her eyes, I knew it wasn’t an option.
Because that beautiful face slowly rotted in front of me. It decayed as death took over and claimed her life.
If I gave in now, I was signing her death sentence.
A barely audible hitch in her breath was the only sign that she was affected by my words. But it was there. She did love me. She was pleading me with her eyes not to do this.
“I guess there’s nothing left to say.”
My eyes dropped to the ground, unable to hold her gaze any longer. “There was nothing to say from the moment you walked through the doors.”
I didn’t look up—couldn’t. If I did, I might break. The slight shuffle of her feet scraping against the floor was the only warning I had that she was leaving.
My ears bled with every step that moved further away until finally, I was alone.
I let out a ragged breath and bent over, hurling into the hay at myfeet. A rough hand landed on my back, but if it was meant to be soothing, Jeff failed miserably.
“It’s over. She’s gone.”
I nodded, wiping the bile from my lips as I straightened, refusing to feel the pain my body that vomiting had inflicted. I deserved it.
“That was brutal to watch.”
“But she bought it,” I said, hoping he heard the defeat in her voice as well.
“Yeah, she bought it. I’d say you did what you set out to do. And then some. Not sure there’s ever any coming back from that.”
As much as I wanted to run after her, I knew this was for the best. She was safe, and if that was the only thing I achieved by ending things with her, then I would be able to trudge through life knowing at least she didn’t die because of me.
“You look like you could use a whiskey.”
“Maybe five,” I muttered. “Can’t work anyway.”
“Then we’re in agreement. After a performance like that, there’s only one place to go.”
I should have told him no. The possibility of running into her was strong at The Beaver and Boot, but I couldn’t deny myself this one simple pleasure.
Seeing her alive was the only thing that would keep me going.
I tried.I really fucking tried to just walk away and pretend everything was fine, but every time I thought of her, my chest tightened to the point of pain. There was no way I could go on like this, and the temptation was too strong to chase after her and tell her everything.
But that would only keep that target on her back that I was trying so desperately to get rid of.
