“What, refuse to eat the poison apple?”
“Think about the parents sitting with their kids. They too deserve entertainment. Why not give them a little nod and wink?Something like” – and he put on a surprised, doubting voice – “you want me to eatthis? Because every night in this season, it’s made me very ill. Are you sure I can trust you?” He mimicked. “Then go back into the script. Make it fun for you and the adults in the audience.”
He was right. I started to enjoy the tour and even managed a bit more acting than just being the girl that needs rescuing. He laughed with me every time I phoned to tell him of a new joke I’d slipped into the play. And not once did he let on about the cancer spreading inside him.
Afterwards, Mum said she didn’t know either. That he hid it from her, too.
Except that…Well, how could she have missed it? The doctor told me that Dad had been in so much pain, he couldn’t sleep without strong medication. Mum would have known all about it if she’d slept in the same bed, in the same room. In the same house.
Six months later, she and Howard were married. Trying to talk her out of it was like talking the rain out of falling.Howard and I have been in love for a year. I’ve waited long enough.
Horrible Howard, as me and my friend Emma call him in private, is just the kind of man Mum likes, handsome in a rich, car-salesman kind of way, good teeth, or at least good dentistry, and a year-round tan.
For her sake, I try to be nice to him. Believe me, it takes a lot of acting skill to hide my revulsion every time he slings an arm round my shoulders and gives me what he calls ‘fatherly advice’. I smile through clenched teeth and don’t tell him to eff off because he’s not my father.
It usually works.
Until this afternoon.
Just after lunch, the table still cluttered with the remains of roast pork, he moved to sit beside me and put a heavy arm over my shoulders.
“Playing the genie inAladdin. Why the hell are you playing ugly characters in small provincial theatres?” he asked. “Movies. that’s where you have to be, where the money is. You know your trouble, girl? You don’t know how to play your ace cards right.” And his eyes crept down my neckline to steal a peek at what my ‘ace cards’ apparently were. “What’s with the baggy clothes? Look at your mum, learn from her. You’re a beautiful girl, you could be really successful.”
Did Mum tell him to take his arm off me? No, she pulled out the long knife and stabbed me.
I really, really should not think about this anymore.
Watch the road, the street lights have just come on and traffic stretches ahead of me. Every traffic light seems to punctuate the arguments in my mind. Even when I’ve arrived, parked in front of our block of flats, I can’t get out. I sit here, engine off, the car getting colder and relive the scene with mum and Howard.
“It’s Stephen’s fault.” Mum threw blame at my dad as if he never mattered to her at all. This ridiculous love of theatre. And failure.”
Failure?
Dad.
I yanked myself from under Horrible Howard’s arm. “My father was a talented man. Mum never went to see any of his productions. But I did. And I saw how good he really was, howhis actors loved him and looked up to him. He would have been a great director if he didn’t have to work twelve-hour days as a driving instructor to support his family.” I couldn’t help giving Howard a pointed look. “He was a good father.”
“No, he wasn’t.” At last Howard showed his temper.
“What would you know about it?”
“Girl,” he interrupted me. “Stephen wasn’t your father.” Then, turning to my mother, said, “Tell her.”
And it all came out.
Chapter Two
Battersea, 5.30 pm
I’m cold to the bone; I take the stairs up to our fifth floor flat. All I want is a nice cup of tea and a nice quiet night in front of the telly. Unfortunately, I arrive just as the food delivery guy is handing three large bags to Emma.
“Hey” She grins. “Just in time.” she hands the bags to her boyfriend, the smell of curry already wafting from them.
“Happy birthday!” She kisses my cheek.
“Thanks.” I give her as cheerful a smile as I can. “Hi, Mike.”
Behind him, I can see several friends in the sitting room.
