My chest tensed, waiting for the pain that almost always occurred whenever I remembered our life together. I was more than a little surprised when the accustomed sharp ache didn’t happen, just a hint of heaviness weighed on me.
“We met on our first deployment. We became best friends. We did everything, went everywhere together,” I laughed.
“I loved him so damn much,” I sighed, tears threatening in my own eyes. Mason nodded at me, encouraging me to continue.
“I remember the day I first realized he was gay. He was always acting really funny about his phone. We weren’t supposed to have them with us because of security concerns, but he was always taking it everywhere with him, never leaving it unattended for a moment. He’d hole up forhoursin his bunk with that damn phone and it was driving me crazy trying to figure out what he was doing, or who he was talking to. It wasn’t like there was cell service in most of the places we were stationed, so, I kind of figured I knew what he was doing.”
Mason looked up at me and quirked an eyebrow. “Hours? That’s a lot of stamina.”
I grinned back at him. “I know, right?”
“One time he’d been hanging out in the bunk and I knew he had his phone on him. The sergeant had shown up, calling him on the carpet for some infraction or another. He was always getting in trouble for something,” I said, grinning.
“Sarge must have startled him because when he came to attention, he had dropped it on the bunk behind him. I don’t even remember now what it was he was getting in trouble for. I just knew he’d get busted even worse if they caught him with the phone, so I snuck itinto my pocket while he was being dressed down. Sarge ordered him out to run laps or something and I got a peek at his phone.”
Mason chuckled. “Racy?”
I fanned myself. “Racy doesn’t even begin to cover it… By the time he made it back from the showers I was in my bunk and hard as rock. I remembered looking up from that damn phone and seeing him standing in the doorway, naked except for a towel slung low on his hips. He had that damn, smug look on his face.
“ ‘I always hoped you might play for my team, Dev,’ he’d said as he shut and locked our door. ‘Glad to see it confirmed.’
“He was my first lover. I’d only ever kissed a few guys in high school, maybe fooled around a little, just enough to really know for sure that it was men that I wanted. But Mack… Mack changed my world…
“When we knew our enlistments were coming to an end, we’d privately exchanged rings. We came home to Ohio on leave, found this property and had construction started on the house, and started making plans.” I said, looking around the living room. “Mack designed it. He wanted to be an architect when we got discharged.
“I tried talking him into going to the Netherlands and getting married, but Mack wanted to wait. He figured the political climate in the US was changing, and he thought maybe we could hang in there long enough for America to catch up with us.” I sighed, remembering our long-standing arguments for and against leaving the US to get married.
“We were on our last deployment in Afghanistan, just a few weeks before the end of our tours when we were ambushed. Mack took a bullet to the chest. I was working on him when a mortar exploded nearby that destroyed my hip and leg. I came home with a medical discharge, and Mack came home in a casket.”
“That must have been… awful,” Mason whispered. “I’m so sorry, Lee.”
“It wasn’t the best time in my life,” I admitted, taking a deep breath. “I crawled into a bottle for a while. I even tried…” My voice trailed off. I still remembered waking up in the hospital with Sonny and Hicks by my side. I didn’t remember trying to kill myself, but I could still recall that aching emptiness in my chest the loss of Mack had left.
“I still have issues. Loud noises, explosions and vibrations still get me. Something about it just takes me back to that moment. I just… freeze. I know what I should do. What I need to do. But it’s like I can’t make my body move.”
I saw Mason’s brain working and making the connection. “The bacon grease?”
“Yep,” I acknowledged. “I’ve seen a therapist for PTSD but haven’t been going lately. Nothing seems to really help. I’ve tried a number of different medications but haven’t found a good combination yet. Sometimes I have nightmares and I have a hard time working a normal schedule,” I said. “I want to go back to being a medic, most likely a paramedic or rescue worker around here, but right now, I can’t. I can’t take the risk that I’ll freeze up when someone’s life is in my hands. Plus, I still have a way to go before I will be physically ready. Physical therapy is no joke. It took a long time, and lots of rehab just to get me walking again. I’ve kind of taken a break from rehab. Again, the whole ‘tired of being sick’ thing. I still use a cane every now and again when I’ve got a long distance to go, or when my hip is being especially difficult. Cold weather is a bitch,” I said ruefully.
“I’m so sorry, Lee,” he whispered, as he looked up at me.
“Thanks,” I said, my voice feeling thick and full of unshed tears. “‘It is what it is,’ as Mack would say,” I sighed. “I always hated that saying,” I muttered.
His hands reached up and cupped my face. We sat there, eyes locked on each other for several moments. God, he was beautiful. His curly black hair was begging to be pushed off his face. His blue eyes were just stunning, his lips were full and pink. I wanted so desperately to kiss him again, to wash away the look of pain and sadness that lingered in his eyes. We’d both experience major losses in our lives. I’d lost the man I'd thought would be my future, and he’d lost everyone who should have loved, cherished and protected him in the past.
“Mason—” I started, groaning as he shifted slightly, and I realizedmy cock had taken these few minutes to wake up again. I felt the moment Mason realized it, too, because he froze for just a second, then a slow, mischievous smile appeared at the corner of his mouth.
“Lee—” he answered back, also groaning. I glanced at his lithe body laid out on the couch and was appropriately gratified to notice that his jeans seemed to be having trouble containing his cock as well.
I looked down at him and spoke. “Mason, I want to kiss you again.”
I waited expectantly, determined this time not to ruin anything by rushing into it. A sigh of relief escaped me when he said, “Me, too. You, I mean. I want to kiss you... again.” Another pretty, pink blush appeared on his cheeks as he babbled and struggled to form words.
I leaned forward and brushed my lips over his soft, full mouth. I groaned again at how deliciously sweet he tasted. Our hands started roaming over each other’s bodies. He broke away from our kiss for a moment, only to turn his head and nuzzle against my groin.
“Fuck…” I groaned as he nipped and rubbed against my cock through my jeans.
“Mason…” I started,
