“Now stand and read it,” she ordered. The kids around us started laughing. I shook my head, she couldn’t mean…
“No, please…” I begged, which just made the kids around me laugh harder.
I glanced at Vinnie, desperate for help, but he just smirked at me.
“Now, Mr. Devereaux! Or do I need to call your… mothers…” she asked disdainfully. Again, the class snickered. Mrs. Lawton was very traditional and had never seemed to think well of my parents. I’d always tried to be a good student in her class, but that hadn’t seemed to impress her much.
I felt vomit roiling at the back of my throat as I dragged myself to my feet. This was her normal punishment for passing notes in her class, but I didn’t think even she could be so cruel as to make me read this detail of my failings.
I thought desperately for a moment about making something up, but my mind was blank. Besides, she had already read it and would know I was lying. I prayed to the Universe to let the ground open up and swallow me, but nothing happened.
“Please, Mrs. Lawton…” I began, but she interrupted me.
“Now!” She barked, and I jumped again, igniting more hilarity in the students around me.
“K-Kaine—” I began. My eyes swam with tears as I read the note aloud. The kids hooted and hollered as I read the part about me sucking at making out and heard a few whispered “Awww! Poor baby got his little rainbow heart broke…” and “Ooooh! Buuuurn!” as I read the other insults. When I’d finished, I’d dropped back into my seat, my head in my hands, trying desperately not to sob out loud.
The Universe finally seemed to take pity on me at that point, at least, because the bell sounded and all the kids had jumped up to head to their next classes, my humiliation forgotten for the moment.
I’d sat there for a few minutes trying to get myself together, anger and shame burning through me. Mrs. Lawton had returned to her desk and taken her seat. She’d looked up at me and smiled primly.
“Perhaps that should be a lesson to you. There is punishment for engaging in an… unnatural… lifestyle,” she sniffed.
I’d looked up at her, my humiliation forgotten for a moment as angry tears spilled down my face. She sat primly at her desk, her hands clasped in front of her. I’d never felt hatred for a person before, but I felt it then.
I’d stared her straight in the face and said, “You. Heartless.Bitch.”
The shocked look on her face was something I would cherish the rest of my life. She looked like a dead fish, her mouth gaping open, her stained dentures bouncing up and down.
She began yelling at me after a moment, saying she was giving me detention, that I should go to the Principal’s office. I’d stood up and gathered my things, walked out of her room, out of the school, and straight home. I’d gone to my bedroom, and I didn’t leave it for almost two weeks, and refused to speak to anyone.
The same room I was standing in right now.
I looked down and found I’d crumpled the note up in my hand, the knuckles of my clenched fist white. I took a deep breath and forced myself to relax and think through my fear and anger instead of letting it get the best of me. Go, therapy!
This wasNickiI was thinking of.MyNicki. The Nicki who had sat outside my door for days trying to get me to speak to him after Mrs. Lawton had humiliated me. The Nicki who had invented countless ways we could get even with Vinnie. The Nicki who had come out to his parents and the entire school for me. The Nicki who—
I stopped myself, crushing down the seed of hope that flared inside me. This was the Nicki who had lied to me. The Nicki who had cut off our relationship without warning, and without explanation. The Nicki who I’d grieved over for the last six years.
I glanced around the room, the urge to hurt myself or someone else overwhelming me. I needed to get out of here. I was not going to let him put me back in this room, or back into a psych ward. Fortunately, I had the evening off from, well,everything, so I had the time to clear my head.
I tied my running shoes and headed downstairs. My parents’ seven-bedroom farmhouse was set back from the road, the gravel drive leading down to the street. We didn’t have many close neighbors. I headed toward the street so I’d have a level path on which to run. As I made the turn, I saw my parents arriving home and I waved at them blindly before turning the corner. They beeped the horn at me in response and pulled into the garage.
I didn’t stop. I knew now was not the time for me to have a heart-to-heart with them. I could do that later, after I had decided what to do about Nicki being back.
I wasn’t sure how long I ran, but it was almost dark by the time I made it back to the house. I walked down the gravel drive to cool off and noticed a strange car parked in front of the garage. I saw Bishop’s car sitting next to it, so I figured it must be a friend of his.
I walked inside without knocking. I mean, I lived there after all. Maybe I should get my own place, but with trying to pay for school, I didn’t know how I could manage it, even with the help my parents gave me. I saw my parents sitting at the barstools at the counter that separated the kitchen from the dining room. I could see Bishop on one of the bar stools opposite them. The fourth stool was out of sight, but I figured that was for the best. I was sweaty and gross, and definitely in no shape for company.
“Hey guys!” I yelled, turning to head up the stairs. “I’m gonna go shower—”
“Kaine—” I heard Mama D call, then saw the fourth person walk around the corner from the kitchen.
“Kaine,” he whispered.
Nicki.
Fuck.
