“I don’t know what to say. I—” Tears blurred my vision as I looked to the ceiling. In that moment, I wished Dreaux were there. He must have sensed that I needed him because when I looked up, he was heading in my direction. His arm wrapped around me as he kissed my temple. The simple act instantly calmed me down and made me feel protected. He used his hand to wipe my tears before I continued to speak.
“When I came back to Jonah Hills, I wasn’t sure what the reason was. I told myself that it was to get a fresh start and to be closer to where my mother was born. When Dreaux asked me about my family, I realized there was a part of me that hoped I would finally get answers to all my questions.”
“I appreciate you all for being welcoming because I had no expectations. My mother refused to tell me much about my origin, and I’m not going to pretend that it doesn’t hurt to know my existence caused pain to others. I’m not here to cause drama or reopen old wounds, and I’m not going to pressure anyone to be in my life unless it’s what you want as well. I’m a little emotional, so I’m having trouble expressing myself the way I’d like, but I do appreciate your apology, Mrs. Elantra. I’m surerehashing the past wasn’t easy for you, but it gave me the insight I needed.”
Mrs. Elantra gave me a hug and whispered in my ear that she had something for me and that she would be in touch soon. Messiah and Rule came over and hugged me.
“I’ll be calling your ass soon so you can come have dinner with Yaya and me. You’d better answer the phone before I have to kidnap your ass. I promised I wouldn’t do that shit anymore after I tossed Yaya’s ass in the trunk.” Messiah warned. I loved the fact that Messiah was such a layered individual. He was normally a jokester, but it was clear family meant a lot to him.
“What our brother is trying to say is that we want to spend time with you so we can get to know you,” Rule interjected. Finding out your brother is also a superstar that you have fanned over for years was such an interesting experience. My friends and I went to a few of his concerts and screamed until our voices were hoarse.
“You ready to go?” Dreaux whispered in my ear.
“I don’t want to ruin your night. I’m okay.” It wasn’t the complete truth, but I didn’t want to be a party pooper.
“Listen to me real good. Fuck this party. I know that was a lot for you, so if you need a moment to get some air, then we can go. I would much rather spend the rest of my night with you and Promise anyway. Just say the word. I’ll pack our plates, and we can chill at my crib,” he insisted.
“If you don’t mind, I want to go.”
“Do you want to say goodbye to everyone, or do you want to head to the car while I get our stuff? I’m down with whatever you want to do.” His willingness to stand behind me warmed my heart. Dreaux might have been rough around the edges, but his heart was kind. He protected the people he cared about, and I was honored to be a part of that group.
I decided to say my goodbyes to make sure everyone knew I was okay. Messiah made it clear that he would be visiting me soon. Rule also made plans for when he came back home, which made me feel welcome. I always wondered what it would be like to have older brothers, and now I would finally get the chance to experience it.
Whenever we had girls’ night, all the ladies talked about the way their men loved them. They shared the typical ups and downs of being in a relationship, but it was nothing compared to what I was used to. No cheating, lying, or outside babies. Their biggest gripes were schedule conflicts and leaving the toilet seat up. At first, I thought they might be hiding their real issues since I was still new to the group, but the more time I spent with the Grahams, the more fascinated I became.
They were human, so flaws were inevitable, but they made me realize I had never witnessed healthy love before. Toxicity was all I knew, and I assumed it was what most relationships consisted of. Most of the women I grew up around were either being cheated on or abused. That was why I thought Chop was so special, because he never put his hands on me. Watching these black men love their women wholeheartedly and out loud was such a healing experience.
After we said our goodbyes and headed home, I found myself spacing out as I replayed the events at the house. My feelings toward my father remained conflicted. Learning the truth gave me insight, but I couldn’t say whether it helped or hurt the situation. What sucked more than anything was the fact that I couldn’t talk to him. I would never have the opportunity to look him in the eye and tell him all the ways his absence hurt me.
When we made it inside the house, I changed Promise, and Dreaux got her ready for bed. She had her own room at his home, and she never let anyone forget it.
Dreaux started the shower for me and set out some clothes for me to change into once I finished. The moment I stepped inside the shower, it was as if the water triggered something inside of me. I let out a sob that shook my entire body. I tried to hold it inside, but I couldn’t anymore. My tears mixed with the water as I released everything within my soul. The pain in my heart manifested itself in a physical form as I doubled over and dropped to the shower floor. I wrapped my arms around my legs and buried my face in them. I cried until my voice went hoarse, and all I could do was whimper.
At some point, Dreaux entered the bathroom, but no words were spoken. He pulled the shower door back and climbed inside. I couldn’t bring myself to look into his eyes because I felt so weak. When he met me, I was broken, and I hated that there were still parts of me that were. For some reason, I thought he wouldn’t be interested in me if I wasn’t strong, so I tried my best to put on a brave face around him. In that moment, I could no longer wear my mask, and I wondered what he thought of me.
Dreaux lifted my body from the shower floor and stood me in front of him. My back was against his chest as we allowed the water to pour down on us. His arms were wrapped around my waist with his chin resting in the crook of my neck. My body relaxed in his arms. It was like my heart and body knew he was safe.
After he washed both of us, we lingered there a while longer. When we made it back to his bedroom, I sat on the edge of the bed while he rubbed me down with lotion. The moment wasn’t sexual, but it was intimate. Dreaux didn’t need to tell me he cared because his actions told me he would protect me from anything.
I slipped into one of his t-shirts and climbed into bed with him. I rested my head on his chest while he smoked his nighttime blunt. He claimed it cleared his mind and helped himsleep better. His fingers raked through my hair, causing my eyes to grow heavy.
“You want to hit this?”
I lifted my head to see him holding his blunt out to me. Dreaux knew I didn’t smoke. He teased me about it often because I told him about the time I tried an edible and almost ended up naked in a stranger’s pool. He swore regular weed wasn’t the same, but I was too afraid to test his theory.
“No, I’m good.” I returned to my original position on his chest.
“How are you feelin’ about tonight? Messiah and Rule hit me up a minute ago to make sure you were alright. I know it was a lot to take in, but I’m proud of you for listening. The truth ain’t always an easy pill to swallow, and even though none of that shit was your fault, I know it didn’t feel good to hear.”
I shifted so I could look him in the eyes. He was so handsome, it should have been a crime. My eyes focused on his juicy, pink lips, and I almost forgot what we were talking about.
“Focus, lil’ mama,” he smirked while blowing smoke into the air. Even that simple action turned me on. His eyebrow raised, letting me know he was waiting for me to respond. Honestly, I would have rather discussed global warming, but maybe that was my problem. I ran away from anything that made me uncomfortable.
“I don’t know how to feel. When I came out here, I wondered what it would be like to find my real family, but I never expected it to happen. On one end, I’m excited to build a relationship with my people. Then there’s the other part that wishes I could go back to being in the dark. My momma was a side chick, and my daddy was a hoe. I’m not sure how to feel about it,” I admitted.
“I understand where you’re coming from, but that’s life. We are a product of our parents. As fucked up as the situation may have been, that ain’t yo’ burden to carry. You should never havebeen penalized for their mistakes, but it happened. Now, it’s time for you to decide what’s best for you. Everybody wants to get to know you, and I believe this is your opportunity to have the family you always wanted. I’ve known your family most of my life, and they are solid. You and Promise deserve to know what it’s like to have a family.”
Promise was one of the biggest reasons I wanted this to work. Especially after the way things played out with Chop and his family. I wanted to give her the family dynamic I never had growing up.
