“Yeah, I bet you do. You have your personal bodyguard at the club.”
We walked inside the house, and when I stepped into the living room, I noticed my siblings were all sitting around each other on the couches.
I noticed a beautiful light-skinned woman sitting between Serenity and Honesty. There was also a large, giant of a man standing behind them as if he were their bodyguard. His face held no emotions, and his arms were crossed in front of him.
Messiah surprised me when he grabbed my hand in his. It gave me the comfort to know I wasn’t alone.
“Alright, Peace is here. I’ve been wanting to get us all together, and since we were all here for the cookout, I thought this would be the best time for us to lay everything on the table. Before we get started, I’m gonna introduce you to everyone.” Messiah went around the room, introducing me to everyone. They all seemed friendly, although I could tell the energy was uncomfortable.
“This is our mother, Elantra, and that big ass giant back there is her husband, Moe,” Messiah explained. I tried not to giggle, but he made it impossible.
“It’s nice to meet everyone.” I greeted them and took a seat on one of the chairs near the fireplace.
“Now, the last time we were all together, things were heated. I want to start by apologizing because you were not to blamefor any of this. The news caught us by surprise, and some of us reacted out of emotion instead of logic.” Messiah’s words hit a nerve, and I noticed Serenity roll her eyes. It hurt my feelings even though I understood her position. I would have been hurt and angry hearing someone speak negatively about my mother, so I couldn’t blame her for her feelings.
“If anyone would like to offer an apology, now would be a good time to clear the air. At the end of the day, Peace is a part of this family, and she deserves to be treated as an equal.”
The room grew silent until their mother stood up. My nerves took over as she walked closer to me. I was sure seeing me in person brought back some pain and trauma she had buried, and there was nothing I could do about it. When we were face to face, she reached her hand out for mine. I glance over to Messiah, who nods his head for me to accept it.
The moment our hands connected, the tears fell. Hatred and animosity weren’t the emotions I felt from her. It was regret.
“I wondered what I would do if this moment ever came, and each time, I would convince myself that my feelings were justified. I was wrong.” Her voice cracked, and my tears continued to drip down my cheeks and onto my chest.
“I don’t know if an apology would be adequate enough to make up for the hurt I caused you, but it’s the least I can offer. Bare with me, because I owe you and my children an explanation.” She squeezed my hand, and I returned the gesture to let her know that I was there to listen. She turned to face the group and told us the story of what happened.
“Knowledge Graham was my entire world from the time we met until the day he left this Earth. He came into my life when I had no one and gave me the love I had never received from anyone else. When we met, your father found me eating out of a garbage can behind this restaurant everyone used to frequent.
“I was so embarrassed because everyone knew who the Graham men were. All the girls at school swooned over them and treated them like celebrities. At the time, my mother and father were both chasing their own addictions. My father was addicted to drugs, and my mother was addicted to my father. They did just enough to get a roof over our heads, but that was it.
“When your father found me, I was in desperate need of help, and he stepped in without hesitation. He took me into the restaurant and bought me a meal. We sat there for hours as he watched me eat and asked questions about my life. I told him about what I was going through, and he stepped right in and rescued me. He was a young man himself, but he looked out for me in every way he could.
“He bought me new clothes, filled my house with groceries, and made sure I got to school every day. He became my savior, and I placed him on a pedestal from that day on. I fell in love with him for the way he loved and cared for me. Knowledge was the first man to make me feel worthy and seen in a world where no one seemed to notice me. We were young when we got married and began having children, but I vowed to give our children everything I never had.
“After I gave birth to Serenity and Charity, I told Knowledge that I wanted to take a break from having children. Four children were a handful, and I wanted to make sure I could give you all my full attention. He agreed with me, but then I ended up getting pregnant with another little girl. Both of us were caught off guard because I was on birth control, but we assumed it must have been God’s will, so we embraced our new addition.
“Ophelia and Faith threw me a baby shower, and I was counting down the days until our baby would arrive. After we packed everything up, Knowledge ushered me to the car. We barely made it ten minutes down the road before we were hit by another car. When I woke up, they told me our little girl wasborn sleeping. It made no sense to me. I felt her kicking the whole day, so I couldn’t understand how she could be dead with no true explanation.”
I squeezed her hand a little tighter as she began to get choked up. No parent should have to bury their children, and I sympathized with her pain.
“Your father and I both took it hard, and we had no idea how to grieve, so we ended up doing it separately. He went back to hustling as if nothing had happened, and I grew so resentful. It wasn’t fair that I was almost debilitated with grief, and he was out partying with his friends. We tried to get pregnant again, thinking it would help heal what was broken. Instead, it only broke my heart more. Every miscarriage was a reminder that my body couldn’t do the one thing I was made for. Create life. My depression grew worse and worse, but I ignored it because there were still four children who needed me. There was no time for weakness, so I pretended to be okay.”
“Your father was a ladies’ man, so I had been through my fair share of other women trying to get his attention. There were times when he denied their advances, but I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he was denying them all. When he told me about Peace and her mother, I was devastated. Not only had your father cheated on me, but he created life with someone else.”
“I was furious, and I couldn’t control my emotions. We got in so many fights during that time, and he would always assure me that I was the only woman he would ever love. I loved your father, and I desperately wanted to believe he meant everything he said. After all, he was a knight and shining armor and the only person who truly cared about me.”
“When we found out we were pregnant with Honesty, the doctors placed me on bed rest right away. I was so worried she wouldn’t make it that I developed severe anxiety. Knowledge swore he would be there for me, but I could tell his attention wassplit. When Renay came to the house to confront me, I felt like we were going through the same thing all over again. We ended up having a scare, and I was admitted to the hospital for several days. I told him he needed to choose between them and us. I had no right to do that, but I was in my feelings.” Her eyes focused on me when she spoke the last part.
“It wouldn’t be fair to blame it on my age because I was old enough to know better. The truth was that I wasn’t ready to give up on my family. Even though he hurt me, I believed he loved me, and he wanted our family to work. The idea of losing him was unfathomable because this was the person who gave me a new and better life. How could I let go and give up on the person who saved me? That’s what I kept telling myself.”
“Knowledge tried to hide it, but it killed him to be away from you. I would often catch him staring at photos of you. My jealousy and hurt got in the way, and instead of putting my pride aside, I watched him grieve the relationship he had with you. I’m sure it probably won’t make a difference now, but that was one of the hardest choices your father ever made.
He tried to make up for it by sending you money, but it wasn’t the same. It doesn’t excuse either of our behaviors, and for that I am truly sorry. I never considered how my anger and bitterness would affect you, and I kept the secret out of shame. I’m sorry that I didn’t love myself enough to make better choices. I’m sorry you were forced to live without your father’s love or your siblings. I robbed you of an experience you can’t get back, and I understand if you never forgive me. Truthfully, I don’t deserve it.”
“What I do want is for you and your siblings to build a relationship. I believe there is a reason you came into our lives the way you did, and I want you to have all of the love I kept from you. This family has helped me heal in many ways, and I believe you are the missing piece to make us completely whole.”
Words failed me as I stood there with our hands interlocked. I wanted to be angry because of what they did, but I couldn’t find it in my heart to hate her. My father made a choice, and as much as it hurt to know he didn’t choose me, it wouldn’t change the facts. When I glanced around the room and saw all of the tears and emotions, I realized that she was right. God placed me back here for a reason, and I would only hurt myself if I chose to hold onto old pain. Promise, and I deserved to have a family, and they made it clear they wanted us to be a part of them.
“We weren’t aware of your existence before, but we are now. We understand you might need some time to work through your feelings, but we are here whenever you’re ready for us.” My oldest brother, Rule, affirmed.
