I don’t move. Every other time Grant said that to me, I obeyed. I gave him whatever he wanted just to keep him happy. To keep Dad satisfied. But I can’t do it anymore. I want something better; I want what Max showed me.
Grant moves swiftly, threading his fingers into my hair and slamming my head down into the railing. I cry out and try to pull away, but he holds fast. He slams me into the railing again and again, until I can barely see, and my ears are ringing.
Grant shoves me to the floor of the elevator, and I can’t even push myself up. My arms shake, and I feel like I’m about to hurl.
With a grunt, Grant hits his knees behind me, between my legs. Then he grabs my hip to turn me enough to get to the button on my jeans.
My head clears slowly as I hear my zipper coming undone.
“No.” I kick out with my leg, and Grant punches my lower back. I cry out but kick again and dig my elbows into the floor of the elevator, trying to get some purchase to pull myself away from him.
He grabs the waistband of my jeans as I move, tugging them down to rest on my thighs. Cold air blows across my skin, and I shiver.
“Who the fuck do you think you are, boy?” Grant demands, his voice a growl.
I don’t answer. I have no idea who I am. All I know is I want to be back in the safety of Max’s apartment. I want this to be over. I need to get the hell out of here. I just need to survive this.
I try to focus on my breathing, on the feel of the carpet under my fingers. I used to do this before, concentrate on the sound of the clock ticking or the light shining in through a window. Something to ground me.
But this time, I don’t let myself disappear. I hear it when my phone chirps with an alarm, feel it vibrate in my hand. I’m supposed to be meeting Anastasia. And then, I get to see Max.
I get to see his gentle smile and feel his hands on me. I get to watch as he shudders beneath me. I get to fall a little bit in love with him.
Grant’s trying to work a hand inside me, and my mind snaps. I can’t live like this anymore. Iwon’tlive like this anymore. I’m not that kid anymore.
With a yell, I kick back as hard as I can, getting him right between the legs.
He releases me with a string of curses, and I stumble to my feet, pulling my clothes back into place. My hands are shaking, my knuckles are white from clenching my phone so tightly.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” Grant demands as I press the elevator buttons to get me to the next floor.
I don’t answer him. His face is still a grimace of pain, but he’s rising to his feet. He’s going to come after me again. He looks so angry. Should I really try to get away from him again?
Before he can reach me, the elevator dings, the doors open, and I run.
***
I barely hear anything as I go through the day. It’s like I’m not even me. I follow Anastasia’s instructions to help set up chairs and tables and flower arrangements. And when the evening sets in, and she releases me, I stumble my way to Max’s place. I don’t really want to be here, but I don’t want to be at Rowan’s either. I’m lucky he was working and couldn’t help with the last-minute wedding stuff. If he’d seen me, he would’ve known something was wrong.
Max opens the door as soon as I knock, like he was waiting on the other side. His mouth is pulled into a bright smile, but it dims as soon as he sees me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t sleep too well.” As soon as I step inside and Max closes the door, I feel a little better. Grant would never come in here.
“Why couldn’t you sleep?” Max asks, coming around to face me.
“I don’t know. I obviously should’ve just stayed over here.”
Max doesn’t return my smile. Instead, he studies my face and frowns at whatever he finds there. “You look terrible. Are you sure it was just that you didn’t sleep? I mean…is this about yesterday? Was it too much for you?”
For a horrifying second, I think he’s talking about what happened in the elevator with Grant. But then I remember further back, when he gave me the best hand job I ever had. And then having my mouth stretched open while he used it to get himself off.
“No,” I say. “It’s not about that. Yesterday was great.” And it was. Being with Max made giving myself away like that seem not scary at all. I could’ve been with him forever, and I would’ve been happy. I’ve never been scared with Max.
Maybe that’s what I need. Everything I do with Max makes me feel safer. I feel braver, like I can do anything if he shows me how. I keep choking up when I see Grant because I still feel like a kid around him. And I think it’s because what he did to me, I’ve never done with anyone else before. I’ve never let anyone fuck me. I suck them off, but I never let them in my ass. I don’t even let them touch me there.
But if Max does that, then maybe I would realize it’s not a big deal. Grant isn’t the only one who should be allowed to fuck me.
I meet Max’s gaze. “I actually want to try something.”
