My first instinct is to tell Max that I changed my mind. The idea of giving him that much power over me is terrifying. He could easily turn into Grant. I’ve never given anyone control over me, not since him.
Then I start thinking about how much I want it. The idea of letting Max take a small amount of control turns me on in a way it never has before. Maybe it’ll be okay.
“Jude.” Max’s voice is soft. His thumb is still on my lips. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I meant it the other day when I said you had a color too, okay?”
“No, no, I want to.” I hide my nerves as I reach around him to grab the gag from where I tossed it on the bed earlier.
Max’s gaze follows me. “Okay, if you’re sure. But since you won’t be able to talk, I want you to tap my knee twice if you want to stop.”
“Okay.” I know Max might need a minute after that before he’s ready to go again, but I also know if I hesitate too long, I’m not going through with this. I’ll make an excuse and leave. And I don’t want to do that with Max.
“Jude.” Max waits until I’m looking at him before saying, “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. It’s okay if you change your mind.”
“I haven’t. I won’t.” My palms are starting to sweat. My mind is a jumble inside. I want to do it, to please Max. But I also want to pull back and tell him to forget it. Then I have the horrible thought that he’ll do it anyway, just like Grant. And I don’t want to think about Max like that. He’s been nothing but kind to me.
Max reaches out and takes the gag from my hands. “Let me do something for you first. I need a second to recharge anyway.”
My body relaxes a little. “Yeah, okay.”
Max smiles and reaches behind him to strip off the blanket he came all over. Then he holds out a hand to me. When I take it, he pulls me onto the bed. “Lie back for me.”
I don’t love the position of him being over me, but he’s gentle as he trails his lips across my neck and down my chest. He swirls his tongue across my nipple, and I close my eyes with a sigh. It’s been a long time since someone’s been careful with me. Maybe no one ever has.
Max kisses across my chest, down my stomach. He ignores my cock and kisses down my left thigh. Pressure’s starting to build at the base of my spine as my dick twitches. His breath leaves little trails of heat along my skin as he moves down my leg, across my ankle.
“Max.” My voice is a breathy moan, and that would usually bother me to show it, but I can’t find it in me to care. Not with him. Why was I so worried about the gag or letting Max have a small bit of control right now? He’s never been anything but kind.
“I’m here,” Max whispers. He surges upward to meet my lips with his own. His tongue slides into my mouth just as his hand drops between my legs to grasp my aching cock. “I’m here, Jude.”
I kiss him back, pressing my fingers to the back of neck to keep him there. My hips are already bucking, my cock desperate to feel the friction his palm provides.
Max slides his hand up my shaft to cup my balls. They feel so full and heavy. Like I’ll explode if I don’t empty them as soon as possible.
Max pulls his lips from mine and places his mouth near my ear. “Get yourself off on me, Jude. Use my hand how you need it.”
I whimper and grab his shoulders for some purchase. Then I start thrusting into his hand.
“Tighter,” I mumble. “Tighten your grip.”
He does it immediately. His other hand is up near my head, supporting his weight as he watches me jerk myself off using him. “Like this?”
“Yeah.” I slide in and out to the tip then push back in again. My moves are frenzied, but I need it. I need Max right here. I feel like I’ll never come again without his help.
“Look at me,” Max orders softly, and despite everything, I do it. “Remember when we were in that bathroom, and you made me look in the mirror the entire time you pounded into me?”
“Yeah.” My voice is strangled. It’s all I can do to form that one word.
“Keep looking at me,” Max says. “I want to see your face when you come.”
His words are all I need to shoot over the edge. I come hard, my head snapping up off the pillow, my fingers digging deep into Max’s arms.
“That’s right,” Max whispers. “Get it all out.”
My balls are almost aching by the time I collapse back onto the mattress. I’m panting, my chest heaving from the exertion. Fuck, it’s been a while since I came that hard.
“Better?” Max asks.
“Mmhmm.” The nervousness is still there, but it’s less now. Like the orgasm helped get the stress out of me.
